This past summer I spent a week packing boxes with dear friends of mine moving back East from the West Coast. We made many trips to used bookstores, donation centers, and the dumpster. We wrapped their lives up into 11 categories—little compartments of 49 years of marriage rolled into newspapers, bubble wrap, and cardboard.
Waiting to be opened on the other side of a house sale and cross-country move, each box was evidence of life well-lived—together, real, and raw—caught within memories, fondly received presents, mementos from vacations, mugs for special occasions, and dated photographs. A mere song on the radio triggered a reflective wave of “remember when.”
We laughed ourselves silly going through shelves of books at 2 AM—how difficult it was to part with those pages from scattered memories and loved ones over five decades. We sobbed over discovered treasures from their childhoods. While not always easy, life had been good to them. I could see the value placed in considering each piece of it.
So, I asked myself:
How do we pack a lifetime into one 12 inch x 12 inch x 12 inch square at a time?
And the overall decision awaiting us as we dragged packing materials into each room?
Keep, donate, or throw out?
My friend, the wife, had so much courage, incredible stamina, and amazing strength as she divided her life into categories and choices. How do you take a 49 year marriage and family life and split it into thirds? How do you give away your life? How do you decide what to save and what to let go of?
I don’t know, but as I watched her do it, I knew deep within me that it is something we must all do. Self-reflection and life sorting is not only healthy, but it also opens space.
I had to move into a new chapter recently, one I really didn’t want: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: a way in the wilderness, broken relationships, changes, doing a new thing, God will make a way, leaving the past behind, letting go, life sorting, make a way, moving, moving on, new chapter, new season, relocation, remember not the former things, seasons of change, transition, unnecessary baggage, what lies ahead
Sitting on some uncomfortable bleachers, wishing I had brought some kind of back support, I watched my youngest son swim laps with his class in Lawrence, MA, this past week. He has received swim instruction here for seven years. I don’t even have to tell them he has special needs because they are so good with every child. I’m convinced the program manager can see directly into the heart and inner workings of each child within the first few minutes. She has an amazing ability to meet each child where his or her fears are and identify strengths and weaknesses. She knows what is holding them back.
Hmmm.
As I sat there in this rare moment observing Little Man at one of his happiest places—water—I wondered if I could get away with a few glances here and there to my Kindle. I thought I was being so sly, looking up whenever I anticipated it was his turn to work on a skill in a group of five children. My timing was almost perfect.
Lifting my eyes after reading a half-page, I noticed something I wasn’t expecting this time around: Even at 10 years old, becoming more independent by the minute, my Little Man
still looks for me!
After every accomplishment, he wanted to emerge from the water to meet my eyes. He counted on my silent nod, my approving smile—even my admiration.
And I asked myself this question: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: call upon his name, eternity, eternity in our heart, eyes of the LORD, eyes of the Lord run to and fro, gentle and lowly in heart, God hears us, God sees, God's approval, heart of God, looking up, relationship with God, rely on the LORD, rest for your souls, seeking approval, take my yoke
Oh boy! Did that title catch your eye?
I hope it did! I think we all qualify as “the needy” from time to time. I certainly have!
It can (but does not necessarily) mean financial need, but it can also be emotional, medical, physical, spiritual, etc.
How are you “needy” today? Is everything copacetic? Nothing to complain about?
On one hand, if that’s true, I celebrate with you, but on the other hand, to some extent, we all have needs, so if we claim that, we are, well, um, kidding ourselves!
We may not be desperate right now, but there are a few things on our wish list. How could there not be?
- God, please heal my child of this disease, this disability, this behavior.
- Jesus, my marriage is a wreck. We are just, well—disconnected. Is he having an affair?
- Lord, wow, I am really scared about my bills this month. What if they turn the heat off? It’s 20 degrees outside this week.
- My child is hanging with the wrong set of friends and making bad choices. I need him to turn his life around.
- I’m really scared my daughter is going to marry that guy. He’s not good for her.
- My car is about to die, and I don’t have the money for another one right now.
- I am being asked to do something dishonest at work, or I could lose my job. I need a way out of this.
- I can’t get him to stop drinking.
- I found porn on the computer and am not sure how to confront my family members.
- I need more than that prescription is covering to manage my pain. I think I may be dependent.
- Oh my goodness, I really miss him. Why did he have to die so young?
- What if I never get pregnant? Will my husband still love me?
- I forged a check once, and the law caught up with me. Now I’m afraid I’ll lose everything.
You get the idea.
Here’s the thing. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: affliction, calling out to God, deliverance, distress, does God hear, does God listen, God hears, he satisfies the longing soul, hope, hungry soul, kingdom of heaven, longing soul, poor in spirit, rescue, salvation, the needy
The chemo was wreaking havoc on his body. He wasn’t able to eat and was weakened to exhaustion. Where do we go from here? We may be killing cancer cells, but at what personal cost?
It’s not easy to hear this from almost seven driving hours away. If I could teleport myself directly to Pennsylvania for these conversations, I surely would, but I was digesting my latest email update from my mother about my father, and God gave me this Scripture:
Psalm 61:3, ESV, King David speaking
For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.
I felt strongly that we could substitute the word “enemy” with “cancer” because God had been sustaining my father on and off since 1981 through six different battles with this persistent foe. It had once again rented my father’s body and officially moved in. An unwanted tenant, it was taking more than major surgery to evict it, and at this point, we needed more than the words of doctors to sustain us.
We needed a fortress. We needed to seek a safe place to cry out.
Every fortress where we huddle in and regroup must have a tower, a high place that shows itself strong and imposing on the horizon— Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: cancer, chemo, fortress, king david, my refuge, name of the Lord, place of safety, Psalm 61:3, refuge, relationship with God, safe place, speak life, Spurgeon, strength, strong tower, strong tower against the enemy, sustains, take cover, wisdom from kings, word of God, word of God is living
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” –Jesus, ESV
Matthew 11:28-30 is one of the most frequently quoted Bible passages regarding labor versus rest. For me personally, it has a more literal significance. As a little girl in the Presbyterian church I grew up in, I would lay my head down on my father’s lap as the sermon began. As I drifted off to sleep, this verse was the last thing my blurry eyes focused on. It was painted on the front inside wall of the sanctuary. These beautiful words penetrated my mind and heart every Sunday, even as a young reader and child of immature faith taking rest more immediately than perhaps the passage intended.
The best part was when I figured out it was Jesus doing the talking. When it’s Jesus talking in the Bible, it’s a promise I can hang my hat on.
It seems to me that rest is more or less what Labor Day seeks to offer us in its recognition of the “social and economic achievements of American workers” by taking off a day for observance.
But, what does it mean to really labor in a biblical sense? What does God require of us? How do we then get to the rest part? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: all who labor, come to me, hand to the plow, heavy laden, i will give you rest, labor, labor day, labor versus rest, labor vs. rest, Matthew 11:28, rest, rest for our souls, rest for your souls, reward for our labor, SAHM, stay-home parent, take my yoke, weary soul, why should we work, why we should work, work unto the Lord, yoke is easy
I was having the most peaceful, productive, encouraging day. I had just finished up a videoconference with a professional collaborating with me for a special needs inclusion ministry we were trying to build within our church. After an hour and a half of bouncing ideas around with an expert I greatly admire in the field, I drew in a deep breath, composed an email to the ministry leaders at my church, and made my lunch.
I was jazzed. Passions of mine were not only being picked back up again, but they were riding the surf into deeper waters. This is the stuff I live for! I was being equipped to do it better. That was invigorating!
Then in came Kids One and Two.
Phew, no teen angst. Happy days. They shared a few thoughts and even made me laugh. A complaint or two was offered about it being Thursday and the snacks were running out (wonder how that happens?). Everyone moved on to showers, dressing for karate and dance, and homework. If you interact with any teenagers, you know that you have to prepare yourself for anything coming at you. Kids-metamorphosing-into-adults are a complex breed. I love them but never know which persona will walk through the door.
Ah. Another few moments to ponder the peace.
And then Bus Number 3 pulled up. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Peter 5:6, angst, anxiety, casting our cares, emotional health, emotional regulation, emotional triggers, He cares for you, humble yourselves, peace, peace of God, praying, relationship with God, school stress, stress, talking to God, worries
“I’ll be back in a few days to collect the equipment. Try to run the fans and dehumidifiers as long as you can stand it,” he said as he nodded reassuringly and left my house.
Seven air movers, two dehumidifiers, two walls, two ceilings, one floor, two bathrooms, and two vanities later, we are drying out a freak flooding incident that greeted us when we returned from church a week ago.
And his parting shot was:
“We’ll be back to get our equipment.”
You know what? The equipment, while loud enough to have to shout to be heard over it, is not bothering me. Sure, I have to move the air movers to get to my cabinets. Yes, two bathrooms are currently unusable. Accessing the laundry machines is a challenge.
But I actually like the equipment. It makes me feel safe, in-process, moving forward, working toward a remedy. I dread its removal, to be honest.
Pro-vaccine or not, my whole family volunteered for flu shots this past autumn so we would be healthy and ready to see Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: addiction, Body of Christ, building up the body of Christ, equip the saints, equip you with everything good, equipment, equipped, equipped for every good work, fullness of Christ, God equips, Hebrews 13, loss, may be complete, messy marriage, mismanaged finances, scripture, Throne of Christ, Throne of Grace, training in righteousness, wayward child, work of ministry
“You’re getting stronger. I can see that about you. I can tell that you realize what isn’t in your control, and there is a peace about you.”
That was her assessment of me as I sat across from this professional who walked me through an emotionally difficult time.
Stronger? Really? You can see that?
See, the thing is: I feel stronger. I didn’t realize, however, that it was evident to anyone else.
But where does my strength come from?
Sure, the squats, lunges, and planks (one of my warrior princesses told me to add a “dead bug”) I do a few times a week are toning my physical body, but what about my spirit? How do I exercise that?
How did I build my spiritual muscles during a time when staying in bed, perseverating on what was out of my control, and escaping through other means were tempting alternatives?
Sometimes it was a minute-by-minute battle, but the choices were critical in determining if I ended up character-toned and feet planted more firmly in God’s amazing grace.
God’s Word offers me solutions and truth in every circumstance.
1. “Work out” according to His Word Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: arm every morning, armor of God, exercising faith, faith, God's presence, God's word, him who strengthens me, Isaiah 40, joy of the Lord, Lord is my strength, Nehemiah 8:10, power to the faint, refuge and strength, run and not be weary, salvation in time of trouble, saving refuge, shall renew their strength, spiritual muscle, strength and shield, strength of His might, strength of his people, strengthen me according to your word, strengthening faith, strong in the Lord, then I am strong, they who wait for the Lord, to him who has no might, training in faith, very present help in trouble, when i am weak, where does my strength come from, wings like eagles
My week consisted of my high school sophomore son’s history paper on the negative influences of social Darwinism on society and my third grader’s Wampanoag mishoon (canoe) project. The older one wrote an intense analysis that squeezed every brain cell I had just to follow it (although it was wonderful to be reading a paper like that again—especially one written by my offspring!). His paper flowed so well because of his passion for the subject, unlike last year’s history paper around the Indo-China Wars, for which he had no enthusiasm or interest.
My third grade son’s mishoon project required patience and varied approaches to focusing his ADHD superpowers long enough to remember the information he needed to communicate in a video presentation. I tried note cards with prompts. I tried rehearsing. Then I took a deep breath and left the room. I am pretty good at offering strategies to help his mind slow down a bit and order itself, but I was fresh out of patience and ideas. I wasn’t mean about it, but I took a break.
Enter my extremely calm husband, who decided to write out all the information Little Man (my third grader) spoke to him. Having it completely written out on cue cards, Little Man felt free to look up and let his full personality out during the video. Solving the logistical, executive functioning problem made a way for creativity to flow. It was as if we watched a door unlock and the real person come through. He instantly went into newscaster mode and ended up with such a charismatic presentation, he could run for president—oh wait, let’s not make that connection this year! [Smile.]
So, I’m just curious:
What gets in our way of letting our God-given personality and passions come out? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: desires of our hearts, desires of your heart, draw near to God, dreaming with God, dreams God gives us, ephesians 2:10, giftings, God's plans, God's purposes, good works, Hebrews 11:6, jeremiah 29:11, potential, Psalm 32:8, Psalm 37:4, purposes, talents, way you should go
I had just finished reminding my children to be careful with my cousin’s beagle Holly. She has some spinal issues that give her pain once in a while. We’re used to being rough and tumble with our ornery Shih Tzus, but around Holly, we aim for being more delicate.
Imagine my surprise when, outside, Holly suddenly took off in a beagle dash across the side yard, giving chase like there’s no tomorrow.
I got the distinct feeling she was giving us her best, showing us what she could do, impressing us.
How does a fragile dog suddenly pick herself up and run like a strong, youthful puppy?
Motivation. Who is she running for?
Where does she get the sudden strength when she’s otherwise a bit weak?
That’s an interesting question, isn’t it?
How about you? Who are you running for?
What motivates you to be your very best?
Like Holly, I’ve been a bit Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: beagle, Chariots of Fire, complacency, draw strength, energy boost, enlarge my heart, Eric Liddell, faith in God, finished the race, fought the good fight, He renews us, kept the faith, King Solomon, lack of faith, motivation, paths of uprightness, Psalm 119_32, relationship with God, renewed strength, run and not be weary, run the race, training, way of wisdom, weariness, When I run I feel His pleasure, wings like eagles, you will not stumble
☕ Espressos of Faith ☕ 