October | 2015 | ☕ Espressos of Faith ☕

Dear Parent of a Child With Special Needs

Dear Parent of a Child with Special Needs:

I have something to say to you.

I want you to take a deep breath.

I want you to stop blaming yourself (if you do).

I want you to know that on a day that demands much emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual energy to advocate or meet the needs of your child, if that’s all you do, you’re a rock star!

I used to tell myself my child’s disabilities were because I was depressed for a short period of time when he was young.

That I didn’t stimulate his brain enough.

That we didn’t color and do puzzles as much as I did with my other kids.

That I was to blame. I had a lack. I brought this on.

That I should have fed everyone more organic food and cleaned with natural cleaners—and lived on a farm.

That my few piles of disorganized mess were to blame for all executive functioning problems in all family members through several generations.

My if onlys?

If only I read up on all this during the early intervention years. Read the rest of this entry »

14 Comments

Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on October 28, 2015 in ADHD, Anxiety/OCD/Depression, Sensory Integration, Tweens/Children

Tags: ADD, ADHD, anxiety, child depression, child sadness, disabilities, hidden disabilities, learning disability, mental health, ODD, parenting, parenting special needs, physical disabilities, sensory integration, special education, special needs, special needs parent, special needs parenting

When Thankful Changes the Atmosphere

21 Oct

She had just put a huge meal on for tourists and was about to reload the table for her family of 9. It was almost 8 PM, and they were coming in from the harvest. The corn had to be collected before the rains came. Her youngest child, a boy of 7, had helped late into the evening the night before, but they still had some work to do. She had a twinkle in her eye, but there was a shot of weary and concern as well as she turned her bonneted head toward me and chirped happily in her heavy accent:

“I have so much to be thankful for. God has given me many blessings.”

Her words grew feet and scurried right into the center of my heart.

It was the Amish way, and yet, as tired mothers: one the “worldly English” and one with the “plain life,” the only thing separating us in our common mama sighs was our lifestyles. Otherwise, the weightiness of our hearts beat to the same sound. We shared the same God. We each wanted to express love into the other’s world, if only for a few hours, without making her world become fully ours.

And yet those penetrating words. Despite the fact setting the table for her six-course meal was on its second round, she was grateful.

Counting blessings—

—with another sinkload of dishes in the almost-dark.

I grew up not far from this community. We regularly came “up the country” to Lancaster County from Chester County, Pennsylvania. Horses and buggies were part of my childhood tapestry. But now, with my parents living amidst the Amish community in surrounding farms, I have come to pay greater attention to my Christian brothers and sisters in solid, dark colors.

And as I left her house that day, this 39 year old mother of 7, with worn hands from many years of caring for her family, gave me a gift I can never exercise enough. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on October 21, 2015 in Grace in Big Gulps, Relationship with God, Renewing Our Minds

Tags: 1 thessalonians 5:18, Amish, blessings, brokenhearted, buggies, cancer, change the atmosphere, chemotherapy, counting blessings, encouraging, father of lights, fear, finding thankful, give thanks, give thanks in all circumstances, good gift, grace, gratefulness, Holy Spirit, James 1:17, Lancaster, optimism, pessimism, pity party, sandwich generation, special needs, thankful, thankful heart, thankfulness

Responding With Honeycomb and Health

19 Oct

I read it right before finishing preparations for a talk I was going to give to a group of moms at a local church. I was also in the middle of praying for my father and seeing how his cancer treatment went that day.

It was an unnecessary and petty distraction, a message sent with absolutely no other purpose than to make trouble where, as far as I knew, there wasn’t any to date. In my own personal book of boundaries, it crossed several lines, but more than that, there was no recognizable good intention within it. I’m limited in my perspective, obviously. I don’t have God’s eyes. From where I was sitting, however, it was right up there in the Book of the Absurd or Ridiculous, and it could have flamed old fires of aggravation.

Know that familiar scenario?

The one where other people want to stir our pot?

Where they can’t leave well enough alone?

Where they insert themselves somewhere they don’t belong?

This same scenario, with a few changed details and characters, has played itself out several times over my life. I’m sure from time to time we all encounter: Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on October 19, 2015 in Drawing Healthy Boundaries, Grace in Big Gulps, Renewing Our Minds

Tags: boundaries, boundary crosser, conflict, confrontation, dealing with conflict, difficult people, fountain of life, good sense, grace, gracious words, health to the body, healthy boundaries, healthy response, heart of the wise, heartwise, honeycomb, instruction of fools, judicious speech, peaceful, persuasiveness, proverbs 16:9, responding, stir the pot, sweetness of speech, sweetness to the soul, toxic

Why We Gather

14 Oct

I was in the middle of preparing for a new focus group at church, one that would offer support to parents of children with special education needs, physical disabilities, and mental health struggles. This plan had been on my heart for a year. I had prayed about it, researched it, pitched it to church leadership, and then let it fall into place bit by bit. With each step, I could see God’s hand in the go-ahead: the flyer, verbal announcement, sign-ups, parent survey, and soon, the first gathering.

As I watched this dream of mine take shape, I asked God which Scripture He wanted us to operate from as our starting place.

This is what He led me to:

Hebrews 10:23-25, ESV, anonymously written

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (emphasis mine).

In the middle of my planning, I realized that this is what should motivate us in any endeavor—Christian-faith-based or not.

Isn’t it a beautiful mission statement for all groups, gatherings, meetings?

To stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another?

How many times do you think about this when you go into… Read the rest of this entry »