In light of the recent “National Dog Day,” I was reflecting on my newly shorn Shih Tzu Samson. Like his namesake in the Bible (Judges 13-16), he is strong and very hairy.
(If you’re not a dog fan, hang in there…I’m going somewhere with this—and as a sidenote, how can you not be a dog fan? Wink.)
My daughter and I spent an hour and a half one day out in a doggie-gated area of our backyard taking the clippers to our resident fuzzball. It was mother-daughter bonding time: many laughs over our mild-mannered but fed-up Samson. He was mostly patient as we practiced our haircutting skills, trimmed a little more beard here and there, gave him a manly tail shape, and assessed where we missed and he still looked a bit shaggy.
But under all that hair was a robust dog, strong and youthful, playful and now much cooler. Our home isn’t air-conditioned, so I could almost see Samson breathe a huge sigh of relief, pant a little less, and feel a bit more spry with the weight of his “wool” off. He looked like a lamb, fresh from the shearing.
Oh, Samson, Buddy! We forgot how unencumbered you are without the heavy weight of your hair! How free! How cool! How lovely!
I thought about myself and others carrying around burdens. Maybe you are too. I considered what we look like—even feel like—when we take a few layers off, when we start stripping off the layers of worry and care.
Granted, we cannot always do that. We all have responsibilities and commitments, right? We can’t simply “drop hair” like Samson and now run about footloose and fancy free in the yard.
Or can we? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 2 Peter 1, anxiety, burdens, casting all your anxieties, casting your cares, cleansed from his former sins, confirm your calling, discontent, faith, faith in God, fear, guilt, He cares for you, isaiah 61, It is finished, national dog day, negative emotions, overwhelmed, self-blame, self-control, self-doubt, shih tzu, supplement your faith, trusting God, worry
Recently, I was sitting on the Boston T staring at the feet of many people. Wow, her toenails need painting, just like mine. Cool wedges…wonder where she got them? He is dressed to the nines. I wonder what he does? Does he like himself at the end of the day? Oh my, that child needs a new pair of sneakers for school; I hope his family can manage that.
I’ll admit I wasn’t looking at the whole person. I just was gazing at feet. I wasn’t trying to make assumptions. As a writer, I visually see things and then have a nonstop ongoing dialogue with myself in my head.
I also receive snippets from God throughout the week as to what to write about, and “subway” came through crystal clear.
The next day, at the suggestion of a sweet mentor, I was listing so many questions I have for God. I truly have more questions than answers. I don’t imagine He was exhausted from my list, but I sure was. And then an area I had been praying about for a while came into focus on a day when I was troubled that my father was so knocked down by chemo that he couldn’t continue the treatments that week.
I was so scared to carry out the actions I felt God was telling me to take with regard to another person. It was an area of constant rejection and pain. Am I tough enough for the response, God? Maybe we should try this at another time?
And there it was, plain as day: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: anxiety, chemo, communicating with God, Give us this day our daily bread, God with us, God's provision, God's purposes, God's vision, God's will, hand of God, hand of Jesus, in earth as it is in heaven, matthew 6, more of heaven, on earth as it is in heaven, perfect peace, relationship with God, subway, talking to God, the Lord's prayer, thy will be done, trusting God, warm hand of Jesus
You may relate to the food allergy piece of this—or the part about a child with special needs. Maybe you understand the mental health bit. Perhaps you struggle yourself. This is just one tiny scenario in our family’s journey. It may seem trivial, and when looked through the lens of one small moment, perhaps it is, but the message drawn from it is hugely significant and important. We all struggle with assumptions and forcing our good intentions, as well being misunderstood. It’s universal.
Today, one tired, squeaky, sometimes defeated little voice comes through in my experience. I believe his voice rings out, joining many others along similar paths. Little Man and I want you to know:
You are not alone.
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As she bent over to adjust the blood pressure sleeve, she asked him three times:
“Are you looking forward to school starting?”
She had to ask him three times because the first two times he looked down and wouldn’t answer. She had the best of intentions. She wanted to make my son comfortable.
I know the “goal” here is to have a 9 year old make eye contact, smile, act engaged in and enthralled by conversation with an adult, and respond appropriately with all polite words tacked on.
On his best days, he’s charismatic and very articulate.
I’m well out of range of the goal line right now, however. I really am.
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Tags: allergist, anxiety, asthma, child anxiety, child therapy, childhood depression, childhood sadness, children with disabilities, depression, depressive episode, food allergies, food allergy, how to approach children, learning-based anxiety, listening to children, mental health, sadness in children, school anxiety, sensory, special education, special needs, worried child
The other morning I thought I’d start work early so I could spend most of my
day with the kids, who are now on summer vacation.
As I sat down on my IKEA chair, my Shih Tzu Delilah jumped up to sit at my feet on the ottoman. Her barrel-chested brother Samson, a few pounds heavier and a bit more awkward, couldn’t leap up to join her, so he pawed my arm and whined for several minutes until I heaved him up. This time he didn’t want her company. He wanted to be close to me.
He immediately resituated so he could lick my bare feet and then laid his soft, teddy-bear head against them.
I believe this was Samson’s way of snuggling in, receiving reassurance, tapping into my “master love.”
Oh, Samson, Buddy, what a parallel I draw here. Thank you for being my morning muse.
[Samson’s sister likes to lick laptops. Yeah, dogs are weird.]
How much I am like Samson! When I wake and know my Master is with me, Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: anxiety, deep love, everyday faith, fear, feet of Jesus, go in peace, holiness, Isaiah 52:7, kissed his feet, luke 7:36-50, Master's feet, OCD, peace, posture of worship, relationship with God, salvation, shih tzu, sit at His feet, the feet of him who brings good news, tween girls, wet his feet with her tears
There is truly nothing about me that has a green thumb. I’m really proud of myself if I can keep a few hanging baskets alive two-thirds of the way through the summer. I’m not outdoorsy garden girl by any stretch of the imagination. I take my Vitamin D in a pill and sit outside only when I have to watch my kids in the pool. Summer sunlight does horrible things to my fair skin (trust me, I used to live in the South Pacific!), and pollen makes a beeline for the inside of my nose as soon as I exit my house to walk the dogs.
This is why it made absolutely no sense to me when a few weeks ago I felt a strong prompting to buy some pots, potting soil, and various seeds. I had no idea why I drove to Walmart one day with those items on my list, but I felt compelled to have them, as if someday in the near future, God would fill in the blanks for this assignment.
I went about my usual business for weeks, not doing anything about those pots—wishing I suddenly became Grow-It Jane but knowing I really was Read-and-Drink-Lattes Bonnie. Even my husband and children were puzzled when they saw the potting soil, but they know me well enough by now to just nod and move on with their day.
You would think that I would have learned how much I do not actually know after last year’s sunflower seed episode.
(After I finished rolling my eyes up in my head that my son came home with a sunflower seed to plant on the last day of first grade, we watched that 6-footer grow all summer—trusting it was more than a weed but not really sure for about 9 weeks. Know when it bloomed? First day of second grade. Yeah, it took a lot of trust not to toss that thing from its pot into the woods and assume it was another loss before it actually gave us beauty.)
God’s promises are just that: Ones we can’t see fully until they bloom. They are there, climbing toward heaven as if to give a holy nod to the Big Guy in the Sky until they reveal themselves to us.
Sometimes it feels like we go on blind trust, doesn’t it?
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Tags: 1 Corinthians 3, ADD, ADHD, anxiety, body regulation, garden, gardener, God gave the growth, God's building, God's fellow workers, God's field, God's promises, occupational therapist, personal growth, regulate the body, soil, sunflower, tilling the ground
This piece is deeply personal. More than usual. It opens a window into a vulnerable moment and struggle in our lives. But I felt God calling me out of deep depression years ago to tell my stories openly—protectively, but openly. To make sure others know they are not alone in their struggles and to show them the hope that is ever before them if they can just outstretch a hand and a heart. Belief and trust start out tiny. They are a walk and a dance with Christ that are lifelong.
Perhaps you don’t believe in Christ and want to just know what I have to say about anxiety. I welcome you here, but please know my faith informs what I have to say because once I started my relationship with Christ, I never wanted to leave His beautiful heartbeat. It brings me comfort on the darkest of nights.
We believe for better days in our house. We’ve already come so far. But if it weren’t for the journey we’re on watching God’s hand move in different ways, I’d feel so alone, so defeated, so hopeless and helpless. Maybe you’ve been there—or are there—too. Let me pray for you right now.
“Almighty Father in Heaven: You care so deeply to reach into our broken world and war-torn hearts to bring peace, love, hope, and even joy. Show us Your mighty hand! Help us to spread a few fingers toward You in trust, surrendering what we don’t understand, can’t figure out, and feel overwhelmed by, and let us walk in peace with You wherever we are. Let us walk as Your daughters and sons, truly knowing You. Flood us with Your eternal peace, and teach us the liberty of the captives. Set us free, Oh, God! Amen.”
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Tags: 1 peter 2:24, 2 timothy 1:7, anxiety, anxiety attack, by his wounds, declarative prayer, good news, hand of God, healed, isaiah 61:1, liberty to captives, panic, peace, set the captives free, sound mind, spirit of fear, walking with God
The other morning my tween daughter came downstairs to report her difficult time getting to sleep the night before. She had recently sold her daybed to make her bedroom more of a study/hangout pad. Knowing my husband was in the middle of creating what is currently transitioning from a fictitious to real full-size loft bed for my oldest son, she figured that eventually his woodworking gift would benefit her as well, so she settled into decorating the top bunk of my younger son’s room to be more chickie-like, assuming the room-share situation would be tolerable in the short term.
As it turned out, she was wrong.
My youngest son (who struggles to turn his mind off at night) had recently started listening to a relaxation CD. (I had listened to it first to make sure it wasn’t sending him subliminal messages to eat cookies in the middle of the night, find inner peace in his belly button, or pretend he could fly like a superhero. Thankfully, it had passed my test.)
What I wasn’t thinking about on my dry run with the CD was what such a “tense-it-up-now-relax-it” storyline would do to someone without anxiety.
Yeah, I didn’t think about that at all.
As I set out breakfast, my angst-ridden daughter vented about her experience with the CD, up-bunk the night before from my son who was getting his calm on—
—and it wasn’t pretty.
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Tags: advice, anxiety, counsel, discernment, God's wisdom, godly counsel, Job, Job 42, Job's friends, listening to God, Psalm 32:8, Psalm 81:10, relationship with God, relaxation CD, the way you should go, unwanted advice, wrong advice
I’ll admit it. Part of me was terrified.
Sitting around the table with everyone who had assessed my child over the past few months, or in some cases—years—was intimidating.
What were they going to say? Were they going to kick him off the boat—not because they don’t want to help him—but because he ranked in need behind other kids when it came time to dividing up the special education pieces of the School Budget Pie?
I had come to find each of these specialists and staff members endearing in different ways. For better or worse, we had been contractually married for several years in the common cause of my son. We were linked, convenanted by legal documents and a mutual desire to help him.
But what if, once we got around that table, the budget dropped between the two sides of the table, dividing us abruptly in half like Moses parting the waters of the Red Sea? What if a former Ally in the Care of My Son now became a Defender of Policy, Keeper of the Budget?
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Tags: ADD, ADHD, anxiety, come and eat with me, depression, disabilities, disability, iep, mental health, occupational therapy, sensorimotor, sensory diet, sensory integration, sensory seeking, social-emotional, special education, visual memory, visual motor integration, visual perception, visual tracking
If you’re anything like me, you may start thinking about a grocery list for Easter dinner on Maundy Thursday, get in your car to brave the shopping crowds Friday, and possibly finish putting your menu together, setting out the ham Saturday night. (Since I think about coffee almost every waking minute, it completely amazes me that I often have to run out to buy something coffee-related the night before a holiday.)
Suffice it to say: I’m not always prepared. For a Sunday School lesson? Yes. The black suit and shirt that needs laundering for a high school band concert in three hours? No.
But, what if, just what if, I’m the one being prepared for something? Am I always aware of a loving God setting my footsteps?
Proverbs 16:9, ESV, King Solomon speaking
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.
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Tags: anxiety, cancer, depression, Easter, go to prepare a place for you, in my Father's house are many rooms, john 14, Lord establishes his steps, Lord upholds his hand, Marshall Islands, mental health advocacy, personal cause, prepared, proverbs 16:9, psalm 37:23-24, relationship with God, Savior, steps of a man, struggles, trials
This past week, I came crashing into Thursday morning. Ever have one of those days/weeks/years? We’d experienced a few days of inflexibility, stress, and angst. There were a lot of extra appointments and assessments going on for one of my children, and the red flag of “I’ve had enough, Mom!” was going up.
And it’s not that I didn’t see it.
It’s that I didn’t want to. It was inconvenient. I was tired of setting things down for it. I was weary of red flags popping up everywhere, even though they are God-given safety measures I am truly thankful for most days.
As it turns out, when I failed to step up to the plate, my child knew what he needed without me.
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Tags: angst, anxiety, burden is light, God's rest, heavy laden, hypervigilance, mark 4:35, Matthew 11:28, peace! be still, rest, rest for your souls, safe harbor, safe shoreline, stress, the one who quiets the storms, vigilant, weariness, weary heart, yoke is easy
In light of the recent “National Dog Day,” I was reflecting on my newly shorn Shih Tzu Samson. Like his namesake in the Bible (Judges 13-16), he is strong and very hairy.
☕ Espressos of Faith ☕ 