Whether or not you have a child with special needs during the holidays, everyone in the house—adults and teens included—can get ramped up and a little “off” during the lack of routine, irregular eating and sleeping patterns, and increased social interactions of the holidays.
As facilitator of a FOCUS Group for Special Needs Parents at my church, I brought in a 20-year public school occupational therapist within our congregation to do a parent workshop on “De-Stressing the Holidays.” With Linda’s permission, I share some helpful tips for all families at a particularly stressful-yet-fun time of year. Perhaps there are some last-minute stocking stuffer ideas you can find here as well.
10. Social Stories (to help with emotions, disappointments, fear, anxiety, etc.)
The holidays often come to us as a mixed bag of expectations and emotions. Children are excited, perhaps nervous about a family get-together, have pent-up energy and frustrations, and have trouble staying regulated among the extra sugar intake, late nights, and unpredictable schedule. “Social stories” can have pictures and words; they walk through holiday-time scenarios so kids know what to expect and that feelings can be unpredictable and very normal. Here is a great web site I found for social stories on everything from anticipating blood draws to the dentist.
9. Calendaring
Children need a sense of what to expect when the normal routine is disrupted by holiday events and time off school. A simple printed-out calendar with pictures or words (depending on the child’s developmental age) can be a great way to take away the “What are we doing today?” question that visits us twenty times a day and give kids a sense of knowledge and control; they could even express “wants” on it (like “see a movie” or “play a game”). They feel a part of the family calendar when they can see it. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: ADD, ADHD, arm activation, brain break, brain buttons, brain gym, busy bag, coping with holidays, cross crawl, greg and steve, heavy work, holiday stress, hook ups, medicine ball, occupational therapist, occupational therapy, resistance bands, sensory integration, sensory issues, social stories, special education, special needs parenting, stress ball, tactile beanbag, The Learning Station, thera-band, wikki stix, zones of regulation
I’m not quite sure how it happened, but Thanksgiving appears to be upon us. I have no idea what I’m making yet. I have not admitted to myself there is cleaning to do, groceries to buy, or even plans to firm up. I’m in limbo. Stuck. I’ve been waiting on news on whether a loved one is moving forward in cancer treatment or facing an overgrown, unwanted enemy who invited more friends to the table while we weren’t looking.
I simply cannot plan, think, or even decide which task to start.
Ever live in limbo, holding your breath for the next news to ring your phone, pop onto your e-mail, or flit across your newsfeed?
The truth is that we all come to our Thanksgiving table this year with so many world events on our minds. Amidst ISIS, beheadings, bombings, displacement, wars, genocide, human trafficking, school shootings, tense political debates, riots, and the like, how do we give thanks with any sense of peace and calm?
And, if you’re like me, knowing the weight of what is going on around us, I feel guilty sitting at a table spread with provision and leisure with the luxury of casually discussing terror and turmoil as a dinner topic over “Pass the mashed potatoes, please.”
So, where do we go to put ourselves in a place of grateful and outward, positive focus, to give thanks the way the Apostle Paul did for the early church in Ephesus? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: betrayal, difficult people, Ephesians 1:15, finding peace, fruit of the Spirit, give thanks for you, giving thanks, grateful, gratefulness, healthy expectations, hearts enlightened, hope to which he has called, love your enemies, Matthew 5:44, peace of God, people who don't love back, people who harm us, people who hurt us, pray for your enemies, scary news, thankfulness, thanksgiving, Thanksgiving table, those who persecute us, toxic circumstances
I rarely review books, but when I was asked by Kregel Publications to review Ishtar’s Odyssey: A Storybook for Advent by Arnold Ytreeide, I didn’t even have to think about it. My family and I have been enjoying his Advent books for years. They have become part of our tradition around the table each Advent season during which we find ourselves eager to begin the next chapter every day.
Considering we have read Jotham’s Journey, Bartholomew’s Passage, and Tabitha’s Travels, I can honestly say that Isthar’s Odyssey is my absolute favorite!
What I love about these books is that they are historical fiction through interwoven tales of families and characters who meet up throughout their individual stories, ending at the point of Jesus’s birth. You can read the books in any order, and while each one offers its own unique tale, after reading all of them, you will see a rich tapestry unfold. The collection does a great job communicating how so many different groups of people must have regarded the birth of a baby Messiah with a bright star leading them with such awe, confusion, and yet tremendous hope.
What is refreshing is that these stories contain the true grit of life, Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: advent, arnold ytreeide, Bartholomew's Passage, childlit, children's literature, Christmas, Ishtar's Odyssey, jotham's journey, kidlit, Kregel Publications, magi, persia, Tabitha's Travels
I had just sent a quick “Pray for us!” email to a mentor and friend in the middle of a very difficult crossroads in my life. There was a decision coming I had seen from a distance for a while but tried for two years to navigate around it—finding a different path—to avoid going through it.
And here we now were. My heart hurt as reality settled in. One of my children needed yet another intervention to smooth out the bumps in his road. It was a last resort for me. Not Plan A or B but really Z. “God, why are we going down that path? I told You that was not desirable!” (Um, in hindsight, that was rather arrogant of me!)
Within 5 minutes of my heart’s cry going out over email, this dear woman’s reply was as follows:
“We are praying for His grace and His calling on this tender-hearted warrior for God.”
What? A Warrior? Oh, wow. We couldn’t feel weaker than we do right now—more like at our wit’s end. What do you mean by warrior? Warriors have strength. Where is the might in this? I see us in a heap of surrender. I really don’t view this as a victory.
But that’s not at all what she was saying. She was conveying Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Samuel 14, 1 Samuel 14:7, armor-bearer, bearing arms, carrying burdens, coming alongside, helping others, Jonathan's armor-bearer, ministry, needing help, people God gives us, personal battles, veteran, veteran's day, warrior
My 9 year old Little Man and I were out waiting for the bus, watching Bobo the Smith Lawn Chipmunk scuttling around in our front wooded area. He was eating and storing things in his little cheeks.
Little Man was fascinated for quite some time, but then he
said: “Mom, what if a snake gets him today?”
And isn’t that a sign of how we all mature from our innocence and learn the darker side of the world? When fear creeps in where we used to prance about with untainted optimism?
Don’t we all so quickly “go there” in our minds and hearts? Fear is always crouching. Darkness always wants us to think it wins.
2 Timothy 1:7, ESV, Apostle Paul speaking
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
It’s interesting that the King James Version uses the word “sound mind” instead of “self-control.” It suggests to me we are given the tools in Christ to put our minds where they should be. Our minds don’t have to be tossing about at the whims of our fears. We are given the power and love to keep them sound, safe from the torment of crippling “what ifs.”
What if:
- The chemo doesn’t work?
- We never work through this conflict?
- S/he leaves me?
- S/he never learns to read?
- We can’t pay for college?
- They never learn to live on their own?
- I fail?
- The car dies before we can afford to replace it?
- We never sell this house?
- There’s a car accident?
- S/he never comes home?
- I never get well?
- We die before the kids are raised?
- I lose this job?
Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 John 4:15-19, 2 corinthians 10:5, 2 timothy 1:7, abandonment, abides in God, abides in Him, anxiety, casts out fear, chemo, concern, eye on the sparrow, fear, fear of abandonment, fear of not having enough, fear of outliving children, God is love, he first loved us, healthy fear, Matthew 10:29-31, no fear in love, panic, peace, perfect love, Philippians 4:8, power in the name of Jesus, renewing our minds, self-control, sound mind, spirit of fear, take thoughts captive, taking thoughts captive, unhealthy fear, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is true, worries
Dear Parent of a Child with Special Needs:
I have something to say to you.
I want you to take a deep breath.
I want you to stop blaming yourself (if you do).
I want you to know that on a day that demands much emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual energy to advocate or meet the needs of your child, if that’s all you do, you’re a rock star!
I used to tell myself my child’s disabilities were because I was depressed for a short period of time when he was young.
That I didn’t stimulate his brain enough.
That we didn’t color and do puzzles as much as I did with my other kids.
That I was to blame. I had a lack. I brought this on.
That I should have fed everyone more organic food and cleaned with natural cleaners—and lived on a farm.
That my few piles of disorganized mess were to blame for all executive functioning problems in all family members through several generations.
My if onlys?
If only I read up on all this during the early intervention years. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: ADD, ADHD, anxiety, child depression, child sadness, disabilities, hidden disabilities, learning disability, mental health, ODD, parenting, parenting special needs, physical disabilities, sensory integration, special education, special needs, special needs parent, special needs parenting
She had just put a huge meal on for tourists and was about to reload the table for her family of 9. It was almost 8 PM, and they were coming in from the harvest. The corn had to be collected before the rains came. Her youngest child, a boy of 7, had helped late into the evening the night before, but they still had some work to do. She had a twinkle in her eye, but there was a shot of weary and concern as well as she turned her bonneted head toward me and chirped happily in her heavy accent:
“I have so much to be thankful for. God has given me many blessings.”
Her words grew feet and scurried right into the center of my heart.
It was the Amish way, and yet, as tired mothers: one the “worldly English” and one with the “plain life,” the only thing separating us in our common mama sighs was our lifestyles. Otherwise, the weightiness of our hearts beat to the same sound. We shared the same God. We each wanted to express love into the other’s world, if only for a few hours, without making her world become fully ours.
And yet those penetrating words. Despite the fact setting the table for her six-course meal was on its second round, she was grateful.
Counting blessings—
—with another sinkload of dishes in the almost-dark.
I grew up not far from this community. We regularly came “up the country” to Lancaster County from Chester County, Pennsylvania. Horses and buggies were part of my childhood tapestry. But now, with my parents living amidst the Amish community in surrounding farms, I have come to pay greater attention to my Christian brothers and sisters in solid, dark colors.
And as I left her house that day, this 39 year old mother of 7, with worn hands from many years of caring for her family, gave me a gift I can never exercise enough. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 thessalonians 5:18, Amish, blessings, brokenhearted, buggies, cancer, change the atmosphere, chemotherapy, counting blessings, encouraging, father of lights, fear, finding thankful, give thanks, give thanks in all circumstances, good gift, grace, gratefulness, Holy Spirit, James 1:17, Lancaster, optimism, pessimism, pity party, sandwich generation, special needs, thankful, thankful heart, thankfulness
I read it right before finishing preparations for a talk I was going to give to a group of moms at a local church. I was also in the middle of praying for my father and seeing how his cancer treatment went that day.
It was an unnecessary and petty distraction, a message sent with absolutely no other purpose than to make trouble where, as far as I knew, there wasn’t any to date. In my own personal book of boundaries, it crossed several lines, but more than that, there was no recognizable good intention within it. I’m limited in my perspective, obviously. I don’t have God’s eyes. From where I was sitting, however, it was right up there in the Book of the Absurd or Ridiculous, and it could have flamed old fires of aggravation.
Know that familiar scenario?
The one where other people want to stir our pot?
Where they can’t leave well enough alone?
Where they insert themselves somewhere they don’t belong?
This same scenario, with a few changed details and characters, has played itself out several times over my life. I’m sure from time to time we all encounter: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: boundaries, boundary crosser, conflict, confrontation, dealing with conflict, difficult people, fountain of life, good sense, grace, gracious words, health to the body, healthy boundaries, healthy response, heart of the wise, heartwise, honeycomb, instruction of fools, judicious speech, peaceful, persuasiveness, proverbs 16:9, responding, stir the pot, sweetness of speech, sweetness to the soul, toxic
I was in the middle of preparing for a new focus group at church, one that would offer support to parents of children with special education needs, physical disabilities, and mental health struggles. This plan had been on my heart for a year. I had prayed about it, researched it, pitched it to church leadership, and then let it fall into place bit by bit. With each step, I could see God’s hand in the go-ahead: the flyer, verbal announcement, sign-ups, parent survey, and soon, the first gathering.
As I watched this dream of mine take shape, I asked God which Scripture He wanted us to operate from as our starting place.
This is what He led me to:
Hebrews 10:23-25, ESV, anonymously written
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (emphasis mine).
In the middle of my planning, I realized that this is what should motivate us in any endeavor—Christian-faith-based or not.
Isn’t it a beautiful mission statement for all groups, gatherings, meetings?
To stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another?
How many times do you think about this when you go into… Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Thessalonians 5:11, assemble, being intentional, build one another up, committee, created for good works, encouragement, gathering together, good works, Hebrews 10:23, IEP meeting, love and good works, meeting together, meeting with purpose, meetings, public meeting, stir up one another to love and good works, unity of purpose
As ridiculous as this may sound, I recently prayed for a free caterpillar for my youngest son, Little Man.
Little Man is an outdoor kind of guy. Anything that grows, crawls, or breathes completely fascinates him. Considering his not insignificant focus and anxiety struggles, nature has become his personal sanctuary. If there’s a snake or chipmunk, a locust exoskeleton, or deer prints (in the snow) to be spotted, he likes to investigate, research, and track results. We’ve grown a sunflower and planted many things in our soil. They’ve all been their own special brand of therapy.
Four days ago, he found a small caterpillar, Smiley. We had no idea where it was in its life cycle, or rather, how close to the chrysalis stage, but we were about to find out.
I did my research and kept it in an appropriate container with leaves and a stick. After getting a little fatter and crawling around as a happy green color, he scrunched up and turned black one day. Little Man assured me this was the chrysalis phase, and sure enough, he was right, only Smiley never made it up the stick to hang in a J shape. Without the proper “hanging position,” all my sources told me he’d have lopsided wing structure/ability. What’s a girl to do?
To no avail, for 15 minutes, I chased a wiggly chrysalis around the table trying to tie a string on a stem at the end, dutifully following Chrysalis Rescue instructions to string it up so it could develop “balanced wings.”
It then occurred to me that this must be what happened to me years ago. I didn’t hang my chrysalis correctly.
Ever know that feeling? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: assumed defeat, balancings of the clouds, breaking free, bring it to completion, caterpillar, chrysalis, cocoon, day of Jesus Christ, double-minded, false sense of safety, false sense of security, finished work of the cross, freedom in Christ, God's purposes, hanging in the balance, he who began a good work, hiding place, holds you back, Job 37:14, my shield, naysayers, Philippians 1:6, psalm 119, Savior, self-protection, sell yourself short, trusting God, who God created you to be
☕ Espressos of Faith ☕ 