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Please Don’t “Church” My Mental Health

Please Don't Church My Mental Health This title (and topic) has been floating around in my head and heart for quite some time now. Recently, I went to a Stephen Ministries conference where I learned quite a bit about the ministry end of this equation. But let me tell you: I’ve been on the other end too many times to count.

Today, I want to focus on that part of the story. If what I describe in this article has been a way you have personally interacted with someone, please know there is a learning curve. I have a lot of grace for that. I am not writing this to cause any shame.

But I have spent so much of my time, passion, and advocacy on the intersection of faith and mental health, that I can’t sit still and be silent. In fact, my small publishing house, Ground Truth Press, is due to put out a fascinating and very thorough book on this subject in a few months. I am so proud of the author who took the time to try to explain both “subcultures” (for lack of a better word) and why they do not need to remain polarized. She has taken great care to educate both camps on the other’s perspective/viewpoint.

Today’s words are my own, but when she approached me about publishing her manuscript, my soul screamed: YES!

Too much pain, too many misunderstandings, so much disillusionment on the topic of mental health, and I’m sorry, fellow Christians, but I’m referencing the inside of the church.

I’m so pleased to be part of a church body that is very committed to educating its members on mental health inclusion and ministry, but that has not always been the case. I have attended churches with a mindset that was openly hostile toward those struggling with emotional and mental health. I’m sorry to say that in more than four decades of church life, in this arena specifically, I’ve found the most support in secular environments.

I believe this can change. I know it can. In fact, I think the current title of this article can one day change. “Church” as a verb can have a positive connotation. Ministry to this group of fellow sufferers (we all suffer with something, right?) can be righted within the church environment.

How? Read the rest of this entry »

7 Comments

Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on April 22, 2019 in Anxiety/OCD/Depression, Finding Wellness, Healthy Church Life, Ministry Moments

Tags: clinical depression, compassion ministry, depression, depression as a sin, don't sing songs to a heavy heart, faith, faith and mental health, heavy heart, hopelessness, is depression a sin?, mental health, mental health and the church, mental health inclusion, mental health ministry, ministry, pastoral care, pastoral care ministry, Stephen Ministries, suffering

Top 10 Ways to Sit with Someone in the Trenches

29 Nov

Top 10 Ways to Sit with Someone in the Trenches See that trench? It’s under major construction. There is heavy equipment escavating and doing repair work.

That can be scary, right? Everything tells us to keep away from the danger there. There are warning signs. We may get hurt.

But what if someone is stuck there for a while? How do we come alongside them so that they can eventually emerge repaired and restored?

A few weeks ago, I wrote the tiny portion of thoughts below. I knew it wasn’t edifying. I had the good sense not to put it on social media. (Points for self control!) But I was sore, raw, sleepless, hope-starved, and feeling very alone. It was challenging to talk to people in any light-hearted setting and make conversation.

See, as it should, life goes on for other people in the midst of our personal trials, but it took everything in me to give my conversational angst to God and restrain my tongue. If you are currently deep in the trenches of a crisis, illness, or despair of any kind, perhaps you can relate. I decided to include my thoughts (at the time) below in order to be fully disclosing, to demonstrate my own failures, but also to show you how real I feel it.

If this is you, please know: I GET YOU. This pretty much sums up my perspective whenever stuck in my personal trench:

I am usually an incredibly compassionate person willing to extend my ear and heart to almost anyone. (My kids may say the opposite, but as a mother, I’m wired to mix compassion with healthy boundaries.) I’m actually quite proud of that, as it is pretty consistent…as consistent as my flaws of impatience and low frustration tolerance can be.

But sometimes we are in a season of full intensity, and our tolerance for other situations and needs is completely on “empty.” I am at that place most days right now. Do not tell me about your stubbed toe, or your kid getting a C on a test, or your trash dumped out on the street and the collectors never picked it up. I’m sorry to hear all that, but my pain filter is set on Extreme right now, so anything lower than Mediocre isn’t going to register.

And don’t give me your heaviness. It will literally crush me right now. I can’t encourage you, and it’s not my role. I can’t give back at the moment. If you can’t handle that, please walk away for a while.

And I hate that. I hate not being available. I hate not having the capacity to handle the mundane. I hate not listening and lending a hand. It’s not who I am. It’s unnatural to me.

But I was swirling in a vortex.

When I am not the one in pain, I likely do this to others. And I want to say right now:

I’m sorry. It feels like abandonment when other people’s lives go on, and I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel this way.

I’d like to think I won’t do it again, but I will forget once this crisis in my family is over. Maybe that’s a way for me to understand. Not everyone can live inside our circle of pain, and certainly not everyone is called to sit there and swirl with us.

The truth is: Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on November 29, 2018 in Anxiety/OCD/Depression, Grief and Loss, Ministry Moments

Tags: beauty from ashes, boundaries, coming alongside, crisis, encouragement, encouraging, help, instead of ashes, isaiah 61, ministry, personal crisis, repair, restoration, supporting, trenches, trials, under construction

In-Between Ministry and Miracles: The Purpose of the Wilderness

17 Mar

I took a deep breath and carried out my plan. I had prayed about it for a week, wondering if it was the right thing. I read the Bible, poured out my heart to God, and then quieted myself to listen for a response. What I heard as confirmation came from several trusted sources speaking in unity.

It was very difficult and painful, but it was very important. I didn’t treat it lightly. I was incredibly afraid to act on anything without God speaking into it. It’s not that I thought a lightning bolt would strike me down in a moment of acting solo and impetuously. I simply knew that not consulting God did not yield good fruit. I had to remain in the Vine as my source.

John 15:1-9, ESV, Jesus speaking

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.”

Before I made a big move, I went to my own personal wilderness to pray. I’ve learned the hard way over time that I tend to be rash and make hasty decisions. I needed situations, trials, and heartaches to discipline me in self-control, patience, and seeking counsel. Oh, and chipping away at that whole pride thing. There’s that.

This wasn’t something that came to me on my own. I found it while teaching our Junior High Sunday School class about Jesus’s miracles.

We discovered that Read the rest of this entry »

3 Comments

Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on March 17, 2016 in Ministry Moments, Relationship with God, Renewing Our Minds

Tags: abide in me, alone with God, counsel, desolate places, holy ground, I am the true vine, John 11, John 15, Lazarus, look up to heaven, mark 6, ministry, miracles, mountain to pray, prayer, purpose, remain in me, self-control, talking to God, vinedresser, wilderness

Are You an Armor-Bearer?

11 Nov

I had just sent a quick “Pray for us!” email to a mentor and friend in the middle of a very difficult crossroads in my life. There was a decision coming I had seen from a distance for a while but tried for two years to navigate around it—finding a different path—to avoid going through it.

And here we now were. My heart hurt as reality settled in. One of my children needed yet another intervention to smooth out the bumps in his road. It was a last resort for me. Not Plan A or B but really Z. “God, why are we going down that path? I told You that was not desirable!” (Um, in hindsight, that was rather arrogant of me!)

Within 5 minutes of my heart’s cry going out over email, this dear woman’s reply was as follows:

“We are praying for His grace and His calling on this tender-hearted warrior for God.”

What? A Warrior? Oh, wow. We couldn’t feel weaker than we do right now—more like at our wit’s end. What do you mean by warrior? Warriors have strength. Where is the might in this? I see us in a heap of surrender. I really don’t view this as a victory.

But that’s not at all what she was saying. She was conveying Read the rest of this entry »

5 Comments

Posted by Bonnie Lyn Smith on November 11, 2015 in Grace in Big Gulps, Meaningful Holidays, Ministry Moments, Relationship with God

Tags: 1 Samuel 14, 1 Samuel 14:7, armor-bearer, bearing arms, carrying burdens, coming alongside, helping others, Jonathan's armor-bearer, ministry, needing help, people God gives us, personal battles, veteran, veteran's day, warrior

Greater Traveler’s Rest

03 Mar

It’s been a while since I’ve hosted a guest blogger. Today, I am so excited to introduce you to a sweet new friend of mine in the blogosphere.
In her own words, “Heather G. created TheUrbaneFlower.com after being prompted to tell her story. Instead, she created the platform to encourage other women to share the goodness of God in their lives, in faith, so that we all could encourage one another.

Like us on Facebook & Follow Us on Twitter @TheUrbaneFlower.”

A few weeks ago, I invited her to share some of her heart here at Espressos of Faith. I love this beautiful piece she offered. I just know it will touch your heart as well.

Read the rest of this entry »