I’m not quite sure how it happened, but Thanksgiving appears to be upon us. I have no idea what I’m making yet. I have not admitted to myself there is cleaning to do, groceries to buy, or even plans to firm up. I’m in limbo. Stuck. I’ve been waiting on news on whether a loved one is moving forward in cancer treatment or facing an overgrown, unwanted enemy who invited more friends to the table while we weren’t looking.
I simply cannot plan, think, or even decide which task to start.
Ever live in limbo, holding your breath for the next news to ring your phone, pop onto your e-mail, or flit across your newsfeed?
The truth is that we all come to our Thanksgiving table this year with so many world events on our minds. Amidst ISIS, beheadings, bombings, displacement, wars, genocide, human trafficking, school shootings, tense political debates, riots, and the like, how do we give thanks with any sense of peace and calm?
And, if you’re like me, knowing the weight of what is going on around us, I feel guilty sitting at a table spread with provision and leisure with the luxury of casually discussing terror and turmoil as a dinner topic over “Pass the mashed potatoes, please.”
So, where do we go to put ourselves in a place of grateful and outward, positive focus, to give thanks the way the Apostle Paul did for the early church in Ephesus? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: betrayal, difficult people, Ephesians 1:15, finding peace, fruit of the Spirit, give thanks for you, giving thanks, grateful, gratefulness, healthy expectations, hearts enlightened, hope to which he has called, love your enemies, Matthew 5:44, peace of God, people who don't love back, people who harm us, people who hurt us, pray for your enemies, scary news, thankfulness, thanksgiving, Thanksgiving table, those who persecute us, toxic circumstances
I had just sent a quick “Pray for us!” email to a mentor and friend in the middle of a very difficult crossroads in my life. There was a decision coming I had seen from a distance for a while but tried for two years to navigate around it—finding a different path—to avoid going through it.
And here we now were. My heart hurt as reality settled in. One of my children needed yet another intervention to smooth out the bumps in his road. It was a last resort for me. Not Plan A or B but really Z. “God, why are we going down that path? I told You that was not desirable!” (Um, in hindsight, that was rather arrogant of me!)
Within 5 minutes of my heart’s cry going out over email, this dear woman’s reply was as follows:
“We are praying for His grace and His calling on this tender-hearted warrior for God.”
What? A Warrior? Oh, wow. We couldn’t feel weaker than we do right now—more like at our wit’s end. What do you mean by warrior? Warriors have strength. Where is the might in this? I see us in a heap of surrender. I really don’t view this as a victory.
But that’s not at all what she was saying. She was conveying Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Samuel 14, 1 Samuel 14:7, armor-bearer, bearing arms, carrying burdens, coming alongside, helping others, Jonathan's armor-bearer, ministry, needing help, people God gives us, personal battles, veteran, veteran's day, warrior
My 9 year old Little Man and I were out waiting for the bus, watching Bobo the Smith Lawn Chipmunk scuttling around in our front wooded area. He was eating and storing things in his little cheeks.
Little Man was fascinated for quite some time, but then he
said: “Mom, what if a snake gets him today?”
And isn’t that a sign of how we all mature from our innocence and learn the darker side of the world? When fear creeps in where we used to prance about with untainted optimism?
Don’t we all so quickly “go there” in our minds and hearts? Fear is always crouching. Darkness always wants us to think it wins.
2 Timothy 1:7, ESV, Apostle Paul speaking
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
It’s interesting that the King James Version uses the word “sound mind” instead of “self-control.” It suggests to me we are given the tools in Christ to put our minds where they should be. Our minds don’t have to be tossing about at the whims of our fears. We are given the power and love to keep them sound, safe from the torment of crippling “what ifs.”
What if:
- The chemo doesn’t work?
- We never work through this conflict?
- S/he leaves me?
- S/he never learns to read?
- We can’t pay for college?
- They never learn to live on their own?
- I fail?
- The car dies before we can afford to replace it?
- We never sell this house?
- There’s a car accident?
- S/he never comes home?
- I never get well?
- We die before the kids are raised?
- I lose this job?
Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 John 4:15-19, 2 corinthians 10:5, 2 timothy 1:7, abandonment, abides in God, abides in Him, anxiety, casts out fear, chemo, concern, eye on the sparrow, fear, fear of abandonment, fear of not having enough, fear of outliving children, God is love, he first loved us, healthy fear, Matthew 10:29-31, no fear in love, panic, peace, perfect love, Philippians 4:8, power in the name of Jesus, renewing our minds, self-control, sound mind, spirit of fear, take thoughts captive, taking thoughts captive, unhealthy fear, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is true, worries
She had just put a huge meal on for tourists and was about to reload the table for her family of 9. It was almost 8 PM, and they were coming in from the harvest. The corn had to be collected before the rains came. Her youngest child, a boy of 7, had helped late into the evening the night before, but they still had some work to do. She had a twinkle in her eye, but there was a shot of weary and concern as well as she turned her bonneted head toward me and chirped happily in her heavy accent:
“I have so much to be thankful for. God has given me many blessings.”
Her words grew feet and scurried right into the center of my heart.
It was the Amish way, and yet, as tired mothers: one the “worldly English” and one with the “plain life,” the only thing separating us in our common mama sighs was our lifestyles. Otherwise, the weightiness of our hearts beat to the same sound. We shared the same God. We each wanted to express love into the other’s world, if only for a few hours, without making her world become fully ours.
And yet those penetrating words. Despite the fact setting the table for her six-course meal was on its second round, she was grateful.
Counting blessings—
—with another sinkload of dishes in the almost-dark.
I grew up not far from this community. We regularly came “up the country” to Lancaster County from Chester County, Pennsylvania. Horses and buggies were part of my childhood tapestry. But now, with my parents living amidst the Amish community in surrounding farms, I have come to pay greater attention to my Christian brothers and sisters in solid, dark colors.
And as I left her house that day, this 39 year old mother of 7, with worn hands from many years of caring for her family, gave me a gift I can never exercise enough. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 thessalonians 5:18, Amish, blessings, brokenhearted, buggies, cancer, change the atmosphere, chemotherapy, counting blessings, encouraging, father of lights, fear, finding thankful, give thanks, give thanks in all circumstances, good gift, grace, gratefulness, Holy Spirit, James 1:17, Lancaster, optimism, pessimism, pity party, sandwich generation, special needs, thankful, thankful heart, thankfulness
As ridiculous as this may sound, I recently prayed for a free caterpillar for my youngest son, Little Man.
Little Man is an outdoor kind of guy. Anything that grows, crawls, or breathes completely fascinates him. Considering his not insignificant focus and anxiety struggles, nature has become his personal sanctuary. If there’s a snake or chipmunk, a locust exoskeleton, or deer prints (in the snow) to be spotted, he likes to investigate, research, and track results. We’ve grown a sunflower and planted many things in our soil. They’ve all been their own special brand of therapy.
Four days ago, he found a small caterpillar, Smiley. We had no idea where it was in its life cycle, or rather, how close to the chrysalis stage, but we were about to find out.
I did my research and kept it in an appropriate container with leaves and a stick. After getting a little fatter and crawling around as a happy green color, he scrunched up and turned black one day. Little Man assured me this was the chrysalis phase, and sure enough, he was right, only Smiley never made it up the stick to hang in a J shape. Without the proper “hanging position,” all my sources told me he’d have lopsided wing structure/ability. What’s a girl to do?
To no avail, for 15 minutes, I chased a wiggly chrysalis around the table trying to tie a string on a stem at the end, dutifully following Chrysalis Rescue instructions to string it up so it could develop “balanced wings.”
It then occurred to me that this must be what happened to me years ago. I didn’t hang my chrysalis correctly.
Ever know that feeling? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: assumed defeat, balancings of the clouds, breaking free, bring it to completion, caterpillar, chrysalis, cocoon, day of Jesus Christ, double-minded, false sense of safety, false sense of security, finished work of the cross, freedom in Christ, God's purposes, hanging in the balance, he who began a good work, hiding place, holds you back, Job 37:14, my shield, naysayers, Philippians 1:6, psalm 119, Savior, self-protection, sell yourself short, trusting God, who God created you to be
In light of the recent “National Dog Day,” I was reflecting on my newly shorn Shih Tzu Samson. Like his namesake in the Bible (Judges 13-16), he is strong and very hairy.
(If you’re not a dog fan, hang in there…I’m going somewhere with this—and as a sidenote, how can you not be a dog fan? Wink.)
My daughter and I spent an hour and a half one day out in a doggie-gated area of our backyard taking the clippers to our resident fuzzball. It was mother-daughter bonding time: many laughs over our mild-mannered but fed-up Samson. He was mostly patient as we practiced our haircutting skills, trimmed a little more beard here and there, gave him a manly tail shape, and assessed where we missed and he still looked a bit shaggy.
But under all that hair was a robust dog, strong and youthful, playful and now much cooler. Our home isn’t air-conditioned, so I could almost see Samson breathe a huge sigh of relief, pant a little less, and feel a bit more spry with the weight of his “wool” off. He looked like a lamb, fresh from the shearing.
Oh, Samson, Buddy! We forgot how unencumbered you are without the heavy weight of your hair! How free! How cool! How lovely!
I thought about myself and others carrying around burdens. Maybe you are too. I considered what we look like—even feel like—when we take a few layers off, when we start stripping off the layers of worry and care.
Granted, we cannot always do that. We all have responsibilities and commitments, right? We can’t simply “drop hair” like Samson and now run about footloose and fancy free in the yard.
Or can we? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 2 Peter 1, anxiety, burdens, casting all your anxieties, casting your cares, cleansed from his former sins, confirm your calling, discontent, faith, faith in God, fear, guilt, He cares for you, isaiah 61, It is finished, national dog day, negative emotions, overwhelmed, self-blame, self-control, self-doubt, shih tzu, supplement your faith, trusting God, worry
Recently, I was sitting on the Boston T staring at the feet of many people. Wow, her toenails need painting, just like mine. Cool wedges…wonder where she got them? He is dressed to the nines. I wonder what he does? Does he like himself at the end of the day? Oh my, that child needs a new pair of sneakers for school; I hope his family can manage that.
I’ll admit I wasn’t looking at the whole person. I just was gazing at feet. I wasn’t trying to make assumptions. As a writer, I visually see things and then have a nonstop ongoing dialogue with myself in my head.
I also receive snippets from God throughout the week as to what to write about, and “subway” came through crystal clear.
The next day, at the suggestion of a sweet mentor, I was listing so many questions I have for God. I truly have more questions than answers. I don’t imagine He was exhausted from my list, but I sure was. And then an area I had been praying about for a while came into focus on a day when I was troubled that my father was so knocked down by chemo that he couldn’t continue the treatments that week.
I was so scared to carry out the actions I felt God was telling me to take with regard to another person. It was an area of constant rejection and pain. Am I tough enough for the response, God? Maybe we should try this at another time?
And there it was, plain as day: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: anxiety, chemo, communicating with God, Give us this day our daily bread, God with us, God's provision, God's purposes, God's vision, God's will, hand of God, hand of Jesus, in earth as it is in heaven, matthew 6, more of heaven, on earth as it is in heaven, perfect peace, relationship with God, subway, talking to God, the Lord's prayer, thy will be done, trusting God, warm hand of Jesus
Ever feel like screaming:
“God, where ARE you? It’s the eleventh hour, and I’m beyond impatient waiting on you to show up!”
In a crisis situation, that desperate plea sounds pretty reasonable, right? We’re frantic, and we cry out. There’s nothing wrong with that. David did this repeatedly in the Psalms. God isn’t afraid of our honesty. In fact, He welcomes it.
Even so, there are four fundamental misconceptions with these statements, and believe me, I’m guilty of wrong belief myself!
- God is not with us.
- He might not respond, so we have to get His attention again.
- It really is the eleventh hour.
- It’s about us.
As for Number One, can I just say here that Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 john 5:14, christ who lives in me, cross of Christ, Deuteronomy 31:6, down to the wire, eleventh hour, faith, galatians 2:19-20, God answers, God hears us, God with us, God's purposes, he hears us, He will not leave you or forsake you, immanuel, in the valley, It is finished, listening to God, Lord your God goes with you, matthew 1:23, relationship with God, rescue, time lords, trusting God, waiting on God, where is God
Happy September! I’m not sure where August went! Espressos of Faith is belatedly celebrating a Blogiversary! We opened up the site on August 3, 2014 and started posting August 15, 2014. I’ll never forget it because I was on vacation, and my web site manager and I said: “Okay, ready or not, here we come!” (I’ve since learned to put better margin in my life and not attempt huge undertakings while away to relax.) Not long after, by the amazing grace of God, Not Just on Sundays: Seeking God’s Purpose in Each New Day was published on October 1, 2014, a day shy of my birthday.
This summer, I’ve been keeping a weekly faith column at Your Tewksbury Today and slowed down in terms of adding content to the blog site. Personally, we had a challenging summer on several counts, and rest became a must.
In honor of a year of faithful readers, engaging conversations, and much-needed personal growth, Espressos of Faith will aim to post twice a week this month, hopefully posting a few guest bloggers along the way.
Thank you for coming alongside me and reading what my heart wants to communicate. I dedicate each post to the Great I AM, Whose hand I never want to let go of—not in the stormy seas and not even when the skies are clear and the air about me dancing with dragonflies. It’s the best hand I’ve ever held: The Warm Hand of Jesus on Cold Days of Doubt.
Blessings to you this September,
Bonnie
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Summer: A time when the family spends significant amounts of quality time together, regroups from the busy school year, checks every item off the year-in-the-making to-do list, and catches up on each other’s lives.
Sound good? Yes, yes it does.
But summer can also be a time when all problems shoved to the side by our busyness the rest of the year come rushing into that empty space like an angry brook moving so swiftly, it polishes pebbles along the way.
Only I’m the pebbles, and no matter how smooth I think I am, the water continues to force its way in and demand my attention.
Know what I mean?
We glided into July with a few weeks of calm. It was good to sleep in, not worry about schoolwork, and follow our whims about the schedule.
And then, like a gigantic, threatening, visible but still-out-to-sea tidal wave, suddenly every issue that had been building—some unbeknownst to me—piled on top of my head. When I thought maybe I had a handle on one area, another person in the family would point out another flaw in our relational dynamic. Not fun.
Pretty soon I was seeing not just the frayed edges, Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: being heard, call out for insight, crisis living, ear attentive to wisdom, family dynamics, God's repair, God's voice, healthy boundaries, healthy communication, hearing, inclining your heart, james 1:19, listening, proverbs 12:15, proverbs 2, quick to hear, slow to anger, slow to speak, understanding, voice of God, way of a fool, wise man
My kids and I have been participating in a local Vacation Bible School this week. As a group leader traveling around with a group of 14 third graders to all of their various centers (music, missions, craft, Bible, and recreation), I’ve had a very close-up view of not only each child but also the way in which they interact. While it’s a fun and loving environment, when you spend 17 hours of your week together, I can tell you that not every moment is smiles and lollipops. Character development is hard work!
As with family, we see our best and worst qualities. I can see how hard it is for some to fight temptations of pride, self control, or negative thinking, while others face the internal battle of putting others down, not taking turns, having to be the best, or bulldozing over others to get attention. Sound like adult qualities too? Um, yup! I see a few of those in myself daily!
But the amazing thing is:
I can also see the potential gifts and strengths hiding behind the areas of struggle.
Whether we’re 8 or 80 years old, Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: areas of struggle, character development, created for good works, God's gifts, God's plans, God's purposes, grace is sufficient, power made perfect in weakness, refiner's fire, sanctification, social anxiety, strength in weakness, strengths, the gift inside, trusting God, vacation Bible school, walk in good works
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