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Category Archives: Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom

Warrior Princesses and Marching Bands

16 Sep

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There is absolutely nothing quite like the sound of a marching band. Nothing like it. I love me some jazz band, for sure, and I’ve enjoyed watching my high school son perform an improv solo on the trombone at concerts, but a marching band coming at me is so ceremonious. I always choke up when I hear and see it. I had about five seconds of fame in my high school marching band. I played a xylophone, which proved a bit much for this 5 foot 2 girl to carry, at least at the time, but I loved being part of the march, the formation, the celebration.

So, I sit here in my van outside the high school band entrance delighting in the fading sounds of practicing percussionists with a few trumpets and trombones hanging in there—and a tuba. The rest of them have already gone inside to pack up. And even though this blog is way behind schedule, and I truly have no idea what I’m going to write about (God usually gives me an image or story, and I pray and go from there), I’m transported back to school days, pep rallies, peer pressure, and pimples. My own high school stories are not phenomenal. They didn’t leave lasting impressions on my life (people did, but not necessarily experiences), nor did they scar me. I still have some great friends from that time, although I’ve never made a high school reunion yet. But the truest friends from my high school years have remained in my middle decades, and that is awesome.

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After a few interruptions (ages 8, 11, 14, and 43), I finally returned to finish this blog, and it’s amazing because I asked God: “Okay, I’m a little late here on the inspiration…what are we going to write about today?” He already wrote an entire book that continues to be a best seller, so there’s really nothing to add to that. I just try to talk about what I discover in His Great Big Book of Truth (the Bible, of course!).

And then I quickly caught up on a private message on social media with a few people (four) to whom I sometimes call out for prayer. We call ourselves the “Warrior Princesses” because we war against the rough stuff of life in prayer for each other. And there was something heartfelt and deeply personal that I shared earlier in the day, which was followed by several amazingly poignant observations about either my own wrong thinking or where I wasn’t seeing with clarity or fullness of the situation. But it was said with deep love, compassion, and care. It spoke directly into the inner turmoil I had. I didn’t have to share more than a few sentences. These prayer friends just knew my silent torment. And because God made them individuals, they each had different wisdom to bring to the table. One of them speaks with a sweetness, one with blunt and delightful wit, one with practical wisdom, and the other with maternal compassion. They each have something unique but true to say—and it blends in beautiful harmony.

I believe it sounds like a triumphant march of praying, warrior chicks who won’t give up helping each other to look up to God. As one of them put it when I asked permission to reveal our group name (Warrior Princesses) on public forum:

“Yes, you can say that, Bonnie. We are very Xena with our swords, and I want a horse, too, please.”

She’s absolutely right. When one of us hurts, doubts, can’t see Jesus through the clouds of our own chaos or confusion, the other four ride in on horses cutting out the untruths and reminding the limping one of God’s truth. Sometimes two or more of us have multiple “Oh, Jesus, please help us!” moments going on at the same time. Somehow, we all, in private message format, get it taken care of. And we’re not all on at the same time. But Bible verses are typed, e-prayers are written, and some fun emoji (topic for another blog, for sure!) are shared.

Another group of praying moms sits around my table every other week for a few hours. An hour of coffee, a half-hour or more of sharing, and 30-45 minutes of prayer for our children, schools, communities, teachers, bus drivers, you name it! And tears have been shed as well as peals of laughter heard—sometimes even in the middle of prayer—because life is messy, muddy, sticky, gooey, and if we aren’t real about that, why on earth do we gather in the first place?

And of course there are my precious one-on-one friends who read my three-sentence angst in a text and know exactly how to reply. They, too, know my history and where exactly my heart is in certain moments without me saying much.

There are some dear ones with whom I simply exchange a meaningful hug at church, or elsewhere, and the embrace says so much while we say almost nothing. It’s an exchange of pain and encouragement—an “I love you, and I understand.”

This blog isn’t about how awesome I am to have these friends. It’s to encourage us all to enjoy the variety God gives us. To not rule someone out just because they’re a bit blunt, and you are more sugary. (In my case, my oldest child tells me I am not “sweet,” but rather “spicy kind” in personality. Yeah, I probably have to agree with him there.)

I have felt badly lately because I haven’t been very good at holding anyone else up in this particular season of my life. My strength only went so far, and I hate that. I like it when I can extend it beyond our family. I certainly pray for people and send out an encouraging word here and there. I respond. But I haven’t been able to carry others. My arms and heart have been weak. I have felt my limitations, and they have been humbling. I want to do more, but in this season, God brought my focus back home for a while. He narrowed it, and I am learning to be okay with it, because I trust Him to broaden it again when it is time.

And this is where we need people to come alongside us and say: “It’s your turn. It’s okay that you need us right now without an immediate return on investment.” As one Warrior Princess put it:

“There is no tally being kept.”

What? There’s not? Most of the world out there doesn’t tell us that. People who don’t keep tally are rare gems.

But this cycles me back around to that resounding boom of the marching band. One instrument, or even five of the same instrument, cannot bring the same music to our ears as multiple instruments playing different parts. If I surround myself with only funny people, I miss the beautiful music of the more serious ones. We need all of the personalities in our lives to blend and teach us something.

I love what the Apostle Peter has to say about this in the 1 Peter passage about different gifts. What do you think? What does your band sound like? Does it have both speaker and servant personalities* in it?

1 Peter 4:10-11, Apostle Peter speaking

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Warrior Princesses and Marching Bands

*A more thorough discussion of personality differences represented by this Scripture can be found in Not Just on Sundays.

**This blog has been shared at Faith-Filled Fridays, Blessing Counters, Dance With Jesus, and Christian Mommy Blogger.

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2014 in Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom, Ministry Moments

 

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A New Stitch Nurse at Plush Toy Med Center

10 Sep

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Lately, I feel like God is on a campaign to break me free from parts of the control freak, Type A, personality in me while simultaneously delighting me with new ways my children can shoulder some more responsibilities. Delegation and letting go of control can be hard at times. I’m grateful for what He is teaching me. First and foremost, He is teaching me I can’t possibly—and don’t have to—do everything that needs to be done. Can any of us?

Particularly in the past few months, as we grow ever closer to publication of Not Just on Sundays, I look around and cry out: “God, please help me! Who is going to do that part of it, because You and I both know that isn’t my skill set.” And then I looked over, and one of my kids was smiling at me. “That’s Your provision, God? Can we both laugh right now?” But the last laugh was really on me. He makes us strong where we are weak, but only when we give Him the reins. The decision part is all us, consequence and all.

So I was sitting next to a pile of stuffed animals that needed mending, but I really needed to make my writing deadline, and yet that pile (and my 8 year old waiting on repaired toys) was quietly causing me guilt. And my 11 year old daughter (affectionately named Chickie—but just in our house) came and sat next to me.

She then quietly asked: “Can I do it?”

“Do what?” was my response, as I wondered what on earth she was referring to? Write my blog for me? Answer emails? Sit next to me and guilt me that I wasn’t offering amazing quality parenting time right then? What? What? Whaaaattttt?!

And she replied: “Sew the toys.”

And my heart melted because she didn’t come to suck up more of my resources (don’t we parents feel that way some days—do they really have to eat three meals a day?). She came to be with me. To offer help.

Wow! Jesus does that. He sits with us and waits for us to notice Him and ask for help.

I was so humbled by my daughter that I quickly encouraged her: “Yes, yes, yes, yes! You want to take over stitch nurse duty? I have waited 14 parenting years for this! I don’t have to sew another plush toy? Yes, yes, yes!”

And I was so filled with gratitude not only for her but for God Who sent someone so obvious to help me. That He cared enough to send her to me when my face was still locked in a screen. She found every torn stuffed toy and clothing item she could find, and she sewed her heart out that night. I didn’t even know she could do that. She didn’t even know she could do that. I never taught her. She just sat down and did it. By my side. We were able to be together, and she felt like a grown-up sewing for me.

I hate sewing but deeply admire, and am in permanent awe of, those who love it, so in that one moment, every cub scout and martial arts badge I had to ever sew was winking at me.

Every ripped-open plush howler monkey,
mouth-stitch-drooping Pooh bear,
tail-hanging-by-literally-one-thread puppy,
hat-tearing Smurf in retirement, and
overdressed Build-a-Bear reopening its back contents all over the floor

—in that one instant—

changed primary care providers!

Turns out Ugly Smurf (my name for him) wasn’t alone! I was in retirement too!

There was a new stitch nurse at Plush Toy Med Center, and I wasn’t it!

And I still have a lot to learn about His provision, about my personal control issues, about my often wrong assumptions, and about a growing young lady’s heart to come alongside me and help. I’m fully convinced He sewed using her hands because He loves us both that much. And if we’re listening, He has a beautiful thing to teach us both.

Where can we each learn to let someone do something for us, delegate, let go? I bet there would be more room in our lives for sweet moments and that we’d learn a lot in the surrendering.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Apostle Paul speaking

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Psalm 46:1, Sons of Korah speaking (singing)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

 
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Posted by on September 10, 2014 in Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom, Tweens/Children

 

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“Don’t Let Anyone Look Down on You Because You Are Young” — Apostle Paul

08 Sep

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My husband and I teach a Junior High Sunday School class. Last summer, the class read Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations* by Alex and Brett Harris. It challenged us to not be content with what is culturally expected of teenage behaviors and complacency. It set the bar higher with examples of teens running political campaigns, fundraising for good causes, etc. It even provided historical examples of great people who did incredible things at very young ages. (This is about giving teenagers opportunities while young and not waiting until adulthood; it is not about stressing teens out with too many activities. Reference “Pressure Cooker Culture: Is High School in America Becoming an Initiation into a Lifetime of Stress” for more on the subject of stress in high school students.)

Where can we bring our kids, or children/students we love, alongside us and teach them part of a trade/business or philanthropic pursuit?

Both of my sons (ages 14 and 8) would like to guest-blog on my site. All three of my children are participating in writing a children’s book with me. Chickie (age 11) learned to cook muffin tin meals over the summer in her Sunday School class. Now she serves us dinner one night a week.

It’s so simple, and yet, so many times I still get stuck in the mindset that it’s easier to do something for them than to teach them to do it—or even expect them to do it, and to do it well.

It honestly starts when you have your younger child sort the socks or stick bulk snack items in 20 ziplock snack bags for school lunches that week.

Or run a lemonade stand.

Or help oversee a garage sale.

And it builds confidence until they are soon running part of your home business or making calls to raise money for a good cause.

I’m a firm believer that God’s purposes for us do not start at 18 or 20-something. I’ve seen young children pray for other children, out loud, ministering and loving, like Jesus. They keep it simple and don’t trip up in theology. They just come straight to Jesus.

Example 1:

Over the summer, my very hardworking husband had promised to get my author web site up and running. But he also travels frequently. And he promised to build a loft bed for my teen. And he worked on a do-it-yourself system to heat the aging pool. And he counseled me over several areas of angst in recent months. And he loved on his kids.

So, I decided to take him off this assignment that was stressing us both out and really placing unreasonable expectations on one person (which is a really good blog subject for another day), and suddenly, there was my 14 year old man-son looking at me, looking old enough to take on this endeavor.

I commissioned Oldest Son to get a web site designed and running. And yes, he worked with templates within WordPress, but he sorted out various designs and layouts he thought would work with “Espressos of Faith” and researched/studied all widgets, metrics, and other features of the site. And with our permission, he launched the site, while we were on vacation, of course—because that’s how we roll. But he also checks the metrics, geographical information, search engine terms, and “clicks” on different links daily, and he advises me on good topics to post on which days based on metrics. He taught me how to navigate the site, and he is now looking into Google ads. He even instructs me in catchy titles and target words to use. Having someone else consider this side of the business frees me up to do what I love: write.

He can’t drive. He isn’t old enough to gain employment in very many places yet, but he has learned much about research, marketing, promotion, web sites, and advertising from his experience with his robotics teams over the years. Consequently, he served as a wonderful assistant all summer, so much so that I am considering putting him regularly on the payroll even during the school year. He did what I could not easily do on my own, and we both learned a lot about each other and the business in the process. Win-win.

Example 2:

I am very proud of all of the amazingly cool things my Junior High Sunday School students do with their lives already, and I could write volumes about any one of them. Today, with permission, I mention one particular student who has been boarding dogs in her home since she was 10 years old. She provides doggie spa services, plays with them, sets up obstacle courses, and produces a blog post about them while their owners are away. She also knows a tremendous amount about each breed and how to cater to their needs, and she maintains clear records for each pet. Her mother tells me that she now has 55 furry clients and people booking out for months in advance. My Shih Tzus, Samson and Delilah, had to plan their stay carefully around her other bookings, and they had a great time!

Can you imagine learning that much about caring for animals, interacting with adult clients, and employing siblings as needed, starting at 10 years of age?

Example 3:

Our Junior High Sunday School class over this summer has been working with different artistic media and technical arts to produce a short film—reality-show-style—of the account of Noah’s ark. In the process, we have learned much about the biblical account and the God who spared Noah and his family—fascinating facts not usually given attention in children’s books.

Our students have executed building the ark to scale (Minecraft), watercolored, oil painted, clay-modeled, cartooned, and sketched several scenes of the account. From start to finish, they chose the topic, planned the scenes, collaborated on who would take which part of it, brainstormed, listened to feedback, shared their lives, and encouraged each other. Next week we film.

Sound ordinary? Not to me. I know so many adults who can’t do this in a room together, even in a professional setting. Forget training sessions offered by Human Resources departments around the country! These students could offer team-building seminars on how to peacefully and graciously interact and build something together, allowing for differences and capitalizing on each other’s strengths, as well as taking a risk and trying something new or different, outside their comfort zones.

1 Timothy 4:12, Apostle Paul speaking

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

As the Apostle Paul exhorts us, “set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” It’s not just what these teens do, although that’s very inspiring, but it’s very much what they learn along the way in how they do it—and what message that sends to the world around them.

*Harris, Alex, and Brett Harris. Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations. Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books, 2008.

 
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Posted by on September 8, 2014 in Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom, Teens, Tweens/Children

 

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Pressure-Cooker Culture: Is High School in America Becoming an Initiation into a Lifetime of Stress?

05 Sep


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My high schooler recently sat down next to me and told me about friends taking five (sometimes six) honors classes in ninth grade (the school only recommends three at the most at a time), doubling up in advanced math/science/engineering. These students are 14 years old.

There was an unspoken question somewhere in him telling me that.

So, I took a deep breath and told him that while I would never put anyone down for that, because clearly academic achievement is a noble goal, our family makes a different choice because of our placing equal value on everything else that he does outside of academics: marching band, youth group, karate, robotics. I told him that:

  • We value good grades (“personal bests”)—but balanced with mental/emotional wellness.
  • We want to instill a good work ethic, along with built-in moments to unwind.
  • Statistics show way too many overworked, over-pressured high school students keeping themselves artificially awake in unhealthy (or even illegal) ways round the clock, ending up in psych wards having emotional breakdowns, or taking their lives. Yes, I realize there can be several factors playing into those situations, but academic pressure is one of them. In my opinion, one kid suffering in this way is one kid too many.
  • Ivy League college entrance letters and highly successful future careers are admirable things to reach for, as long as we keep perspective. Training my kids to live in a constant state of lifelong, self-driven pressure and stress, however, is not my end goal.  

I know some folks feel that the United States could increase education standards. I realize that the bar could be higher. It always can. I also know how well other countries around the world do in math and science. I attended college in one of those countries for a while, and I get it. I do. And I know in this increasingly high-tech world, kids are being pushed to take college-level classes sooner, push math advancement, interface with technology at earlier ages. Nothing is inherently wrong with that. I’m all for seeing what people are capable of and letting kids grow toward greater responsibilities, setting personal goals to do better.

But I also value well-rounded individuals with a wider understanding of the human experience. In the United States, college admissions counselors still look for after-school club involvement, community service, and extracurricular activities on the field, in the studio, and at the track. And they should. I don’t think we are doing 18 year olds a favor having them think the world is so narrow that as long as they can program in Python, they are all set for their future.

On the flip side, they need to learn how to balance stress, work and school, and the people in their lives, so I’m also not in favor of high school students in such a state of relaxation that they play video games for 6 hours straight while parents do the laundry and cook their meals. Either end of this pendulum swing has its pitfalls and dangers.

Honors-level classes are awesome if students can perform at that level. Go for it! Call me American (because I am), but honors classes at the expense of everything else—social interaction, activities that broaden character, serving the community, etc.—is where it can sometimes be out of focus.

Life outside the 40 to 60 hours of work per week these future adults will put in has so much more to it. If we teach our kids that academic achievement is the ultimate striving, then where is their personal satisfaction and fulfillment during downtime, when they are just kickin’ it with their families for a few days, or when they want to contribute something non-academic to society?

As one of my social media friends shared, when I brought this up in public forum: “It isn’t good to base an entire life on performance.” And that’s true of anything out of balance: performance of any kind, really.

In my humble opinion:

  • They need to learn how to talk to humans: their boss, their parents, other people’s parents, their coaches, their teachers, their peers.
  • They need to know how to stop and breathe when stress piles up, to prioritize a hectic schedule, to find a way to rest (which ironically, is designed to ultimately keep them at optimal performing level when they take the gift of rest), to wrestle through issues of faith, morality, and justice. To grow into adults who function emotionally, mentally, physically, socially, spiritually.
  • They need to see know how awesome it is to help in a soup kitchen, to run a marathon, to get a black belt in karate. Of course it’s not about doing all of those things—or even those particular things—just people-to-people interactions in general.

As I read my niece’s college application essays this summer, I thought: Well done! She is a high academic achiever but also mentored younger students in cheer, held a job, babysat, went on mission trips, anchored her school news reporting, among other responsibilities. She doesn’t appear to have let any one of those things get out of focus.

I’m glad my son and I had this talk because I saw relief on his face that we don’t expect six honors classes at a time. My parenting wasn’t so much in my saying “no, please don’t take that many” but rather in the why we don’t expect that. I saw the panic button stop going off. There was a life lesson right there that I hope he teaches his own children someday:

Balance, Son, balance.

Because if there’s anything I want my kids to know going into adulthood, it’s when to rest.

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Exodus 34:21, God speaking through Moses

“Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest.”

Mark 6:30-32, Apostle John-Mark narrating

The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. 

 

 

 
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Posted by on September 5, 2014 in Anxiety/OCD/Depression, Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom, Drawing Healthy Boundaries, Teens

 

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Texting: Can We Raise Our Kids From a Posture of Fear?

01 Sep

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About a year ago, I had a discussion with Kid 2 (then age 10) about internet safety. Computer use at home is always in our line of sight, and really, only certain sites are approved by us. Searches need to be educational in purpose and have our okay and assistance. But it’s a good reminder what awful stuff awaits out there and why we have to guard our minds and eyes. It’s not really a very safe place out there. “Stay on the sidewalks I draw for you, Child, so you don’t get hurt. If you step off, I can’t protect you, and there’s no turning back or erasing that kind of scariness or darkness from your mind.”

In the meantime, I had a very conscientious and caring parent in my circle of friends raise an interesting question recently about navigating the texting world with our teens and tweens, and I feel it is such a valid concern so many parents of teens—and nowadays tweens—face, I wanted to discuss it blog-style.

People may disagree with me, and that’s okay, but I feel like the world of texting is actually an open garden of practicing social responsibility as well as building trust with my children, when done correctly (and at the right ages—the “right” age being something we parents may differ on). My oldest has had an iTouch since Christmas of his 6th grade year. He isn’t a phone talker (which I celebrate, since I’m not either), and he isn’t much into emailing, but the quick text-fests he and his friends occasionally engage in offer a space where he can practice so many things.

(As a side note, we agreed to him getting the highest-memory iPod Touch he could get at the time because he would use the memory for his deep love of music and a few apps, but only if he saved and paid half of it himself. That was about a year or more of saving. Paying for half made us feel more justified in using the iTouch as leverage the few times we needed to, and it also got across the greater message that while he saved up and persevered to earn something, during the time that he continues to live with us and be otherwise provided for, nothing that expensive is so much in his ownership that we can’t remove it when the attitude needs adjustment. And as a result, we have rarely had to remove it. He understands that while he alone uses it, it’s still only half his. We stumbled upon this concept by trial/error in our parenting. It worked with the iTouch anyway.)

My kids know that when they text or email:

1.) They need to write it as if all parents are watching, and in most cases—we all are.
2.) In general, photos of people should not be sent, at least not without me reviewing it first and only on very rare occasion.
3.) Content needs to be edifying.
4.) Conversation needs to be pure.
5.) It’s not a place to share confidences/secrets.
6.) We, parents, have all passwords and can check at any point to see what the conversation is about.

I would never embarrass my child by referring to it to anyone else, but I do reserve the right to spot-check.

I am not afraid of letting him text because, if I’m committed to spot-checking it, it more or less creates an open window into his world: What are they talking about? thinking about? paying attention to?

They learn:

–Self-control and restraint
–Time management
–How to better communicate and be understood in written/typed word
–Where the dangers are

So, I choose not to parent from a posture of fear on this one—caution and monitoring: yes, but fear: no. I choose to roll with the latest technology and put up the right safeguards and lessons to make it another place to teach my children. I don’t love everything about it, but there is good to be gleaned from it, if we’re deliberate in our parenting.

That said, sometimes we have a child who is more defiant and strong-willed. Sometimes we have to pull the rug out on his/her communication until he/she is more respectful. I call that boundary-parenting and good discipline, and not fear-based. Fear-based parenting* says everything is scary and needs our handholding through it, to the point we can’t let go, and we miss the chance to have our kids learn greater independence and responsibility.

And let me end by saying that handing a 10 year old a texting device is completely different than giving one to a 13 year old; obviously, there would have to be more structure and monitoring to go with the younger ages. No judgment on anyone else whatsoever, but in our house, my kids have to be almost 12 before any texting device becomes part of their world, and any emailing before 12 has to be approved by me before it gets sent. But if you have a younger peep with a device like that, then I of course support more structure, rules, and checking. It’s not about the age, so much, as it is about how willing are you to be on top of it? I personally wasn’t willing to “go there” until they were on the edge of teen and until they had navigated enough in-person social conflict to manage digital communication as an extension of that—an additional challenge.

To me, the scariest thing about texting isn’t the device in my own kid’s hand; it’s the unmonitored device in the hands of another. Like anything else, all I can do is teach them how to avoid pitfalls, be wise, protect themselves the best that they can, and tend to their own character.

Even if your rules are different than mine, what has worked for you on this issue? 

*Great references for fear-based versus grace-based parenting can be found below:

Kimmel, Tim. Grace-Based Parenting: Set Your Family Free. Nashville, TN.: W Pub. Group, 2004.

Chip Ingram is a wonderful resource for parenting in this new high-technology age and can be found at:
http://livingontheedge.org

 
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Posted by on September 1, 2014 in Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom, Teens, Tweens/Children

 

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School Start: Open House Angst

21 Aug

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I have to admit that I wasn’t very enthused about going to the lower elementary school open house this morning. For one thing, it was a reminder of all the paperwork and gym shoe shopping I still had to do. For another, this week already had a middle school tour, a high school tour, four karate classes, blog deadlines, marketing plan to go over and rework, too many late nights still when the kids should be easing back into earlier bedtimes—but they aren’t—finishing those books that needed to be read over the summer by my resident tween and teen, a husband traveling all week, clean laundry all over the hallway waiting for the folding fairy, and two appointments to catch up with one of the specialists my child sees 45 minutes away. This is on top of the fact that our affordable grocery store chain in the Boston area is still on strike (pretty much the entire summer!). I’m about to let Samson and Delilah (our Shih Tzus) loose to hunt bunnies and squirrels and roast them over the fire because I do not have it in me to go into massive grocery stores and learn a new layout. (And don’t get me started on returning to school the day before the buses roll in to give asthma meds to the school nurse because that is a separate trip from the open house.)

The truth is we have great schools. I’m not unhappy about school starting. But last year was a rough ride for Little Man, and the closer we head into school starting again, the more I see the panic creeping in. It took me a few days, but I think I can name it now. I think he is processing this: “Will I feel that sad again? If we enter the same time of year when the Great Sadness came, does it get to gobble me up again?” And so I gently coaxed him into meeting his new teacher because, even though she didn’t have to, she came in today to reassure her students. But he stood there empty, flat, dark circles under the eyes, and tears brimming but not spilling. He vocalized that he didn’t want to think about school starting. And yet he is a very jovial kid, usually. He’s fun to be around and humorous. This is the kid I wanted to go in and meet his sweet teacher today.

But we don’t plan anxious thoughts. We don’t schedule them. They are always inconvenient. And I felt my own rigidity as I battled within between frustration and great sadness. He met his classmates with cautious greeting, and he wanted to rush me right out of there.

And I took a few steps back. I considered that jovial Little Man can also be fearful Little Man, but one doesn’t mean the other is no longer there. I thought about how it feels to fear the return of the Great Sadness. It sucks us inside-out. But my job is to let him know we are victors, he and I. He doesn’t know my story yet, but I know his. And we can face that time of year again together, gasping for air if we have to, but putting our hands in the hands of Jesus and taking a big step. We are not alone.

This year was full of big steps for Little Man. God gave him many people to help him, and he came through just fine. But even in the low points, there was a Best Friend walking with us, holding Little Man up so he didn’t fold into himself. We keep asking Him to make something beautiful from the Great Sadness. And we know that He will because only He can turn darkness into light that shines such beauty over everything in its path. I’m personally so grateful for this promise that a holy God would walk among us. It brings our family tremendous comfort and confidence. If you believe in Him, where do you feel Him taking steps with you in this season?

Leviticus 26:12, God speaking through Moses

“I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people.”

Philippians 4:4-9, Apostle Paul speaking

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

More discussion on how God walks with us in very tangible, clear ways can be found in Not Just on Sundays: Seeking God’s Purpose in Each New Day, expected September 2014.

 
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Posted by on August 21, 2014 in Anxiety/OCD/Depression, Dance/Karate/Robotics/Band/Basketball/XC Mom, Tweens/Children

 

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