About Bonnie Lyn Smith
Like anyone else, I have worn many hats: editor, speaker, columnist, Sunday School teacher, prayer warrior, traveler, depression fighter, child advocate, dance/band/robotics/karate/basketball mom, coffee server, foot-in-mouth socially awkward person, and, most recently, author. I hope, on my better days, I am mostly servant of Jesus, loving wife and mother, and devoted friend.
If you ever want to know what insecurities are on a magnified level, spend one day sitting at a middle school lunch table. The cattiness, the put-down behavior, the one-upmanship: It’s a hot mess of growing humans who aren’t fully sure of their identities yet, and, feeling under a microscope as if the entire world is looking, they lash out at everything and everyone to find their place in the pecking order. It’s human sorting on steroids. Where do I fit in? Who are my friends?
Don’t get me wrong. I love middle school students. My husband and I teach the middle school and early high school crowd in Sunday School. They can be deep thinkers and amazing communicators—but we see them in a safe setting where they can be themselves and share from their hearts.
I know several of them face open hostility and negativity Monday through Friday from the minute they get to their bus stops to the minute they arrive home. While there are amazing growth points in middle school, I have always said that if you can survive middle school mostly intact, you can get through almost anything.
Personally, I’m delighted to have two children already through the murky, turbulent waters of middle school. I hold my breath as one more child goes through. And while middle schoolers get a bad rap from this kind of behavior, the truth is: Some folks struggle with this into adulthood. Insecurities can be slithery snakes that chokehold us from experiencing joy and hope for the future.
Let’s take a brief look at the damage our own insecurities can do. They can lead us to: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 2 corinthians 10:5, children of God, fruit of the Spirit, galatians 5:22, greater love has no one than this, guard your heart in Christ Jesus, insecurities, insecurity problem, John 15:13, one-upmanship, peace of God, peace of mind, personal growth, philippians 4:6, put-down, sabotage relationships, self-control, self-doubt, self-esteem, self-focused, spirit of discontent, take every thought captive, tame the tongue, unrealistic expectations, victim mentality
Many of God’s creatures like to create life in my aboveground pool. We’ve had tadpole rescue sessions (before the pool was shocked for the summer), and a few months ago, I discovered many eggs (larvae?) half-hatching from what looked to be flying ants. Yeah, so fun. Welcome to mating season. Come one, come all to what has been mistaken as a “love pond” in my backyard.
I was having such a lovely float around my pool one day for a good half hour. Slowly I drifted round and round to the steady pulse of the pool pump. I stared at the tall trees, prayed for dear ones, and marveled at the fact that my children are no longer the ages I am interrupted every few minutes. It was glorious. GLORIOUS!
When my youngest son came out with goggles on and the jumping-in-pool determination of an 11 year old set on a good swim, he made it through one quick pool-bottom-floor lap before surfacing with a shout:
“Ew! A dead frog! There is a dead frog on the bottom of the pool!”
Still not wanting my peace disturbed, I replied: “Are you sure he’s dead?”
My son, lover of all animal life and greatly saddened that an amphibian friend met its demise in our pool, exclaimed: “It was belly-up, Mom. And not moving.”
With that, we both scrambled out of the pool in search of a net to extract the remains to give it a proper burial (before my dogs thought it made a nice chew toy).
My son, Little Man, completed Operation Dead Frog Retrieval and put him down on the grass at my feet. Yup. Dead. Froggy had suffered his last supper with a side dish of chlorine.
He simply couldn’t jump out. His legs could only take him so far. He never made it out of the solar cover and over the side of the pool into the bushes.
I then thought about the five tadpoles we had rescued a few weeks before Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 2 timothy 1:7, encouragement, encouraging, froglets, frogs, grow in faith, joy of the LORD is your strength, jump in faith, Nehemiah 8:10, personal growth, Romans 8:11, spirit of fear, Spirit of God, spiritual warfare, stir up one another to love and good works, strong in faith, tadpoles
Earlier this week I attended a meeting with 30 other people. The topics at hand were shifting leadership and self-examination as we moved into a season of significant change. We all shared faith in Christ and a dedication to move in His Spirit toward a direction in unity—but how to get there? And isn’t that always the question?
As it turned out, I was one of the first to enter the room and find my spot. When I noticed the number of chairs set out, I realized there was an expectation of a greater number of people arriving than I originally anticipated. I felt my blood pressure go up. I have always struggled to be around a crowd of people, and while 30 people is not overwhelming, 30 people with strong opinions on weighty topics could press me in. As the room filled up, I started my deep breathing, tapping my foot anxiously until my husband arrived.
One by one as topics were introduced and I sorted out which personalities in the room were going to weigh in, I prayed for patience, grace, and love. I have a deep love for each of the people who were in the room that night; we serve God together. But I am a feeler with heart overload, and when confrontations arose, I found myself noticeably sucking in my breath. People made difficult statements to each other in love. Full-on panic set in for me. I began to plan my exit.
To be fair, all topics were handled in loving ways and with kindness and open ears and hearts. So as I drove home after the meeting (I managed to stay until the end), I cried out to God:
Why am I like this? Why am I so impatient when people express opinions? Why do I crawl into myself when people disagree with each other? Why am I having an ungodly response to what was a godly meeting? Lord, I prayed in advance of this meeting and prepared my heart. What else could I have done?
You see, I was very ashamed of my reaction, even though it didn’t directly affect another person in the room and it remained all in my head.
I came home and confessed to my Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: boundaries, conflict resolution, confrontation, don't let the sun go down on your anger, draw near to God, Ephesians 4:15-16, expectations, God's grace, healthy conflict, healthy confrontation, James 4, new creations, old patterns, put off your old self, renew our minds, speak truth in love, submit yourselves to God, triggers, truth in love, unhealthy triggers
I look at my French bulletin board hanging over my kitchen table, filled with Christmas card photos from many years and places we have lived. Along with graduations, births, weddings, and celebrations, I see broken hearts, unraveled marriages, cancer, loss, abandonment, children with developmental struggles, addiction, etc.
But you know what else I see?
Jesus. The grace of Christ in so many lives. The calling out to Him from the depths of messy life—and the answering.
It was about nine years ago that I sat on a cement bench on a small island beach in the South Pacific. It was night, and I was squeaking out a desperate prayer in a tiny voice. The weight inside my heart was holding down so much pain that if it had bubbled up full force, it would surely have broken the sound barrier. Instead, like the slow leak of a balloon, only low-energy pleas came out. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: anxiety, as the deer pants, broken hearts, communion with God, cry out to God, deep calls to deep, depression, desperate cry, devastation, grace of Christ, heart's cry, hope in God, in the deep, mourning, presence of God, psalm 42, Psalm 42:7, relationship with God, sons of Korah, steadfast love, suicidal thoughts, tears have been my food, where is God, why are you downcast
No, that is not a misspelling. And yes, I meant “Son.”
You see, years ago my husband and I made a promise to our now-17 year old son that we would drive to the path of totality to see the solar eclipse this year—a “bucket list” item for him before he left the nest for college.
And so it was. We headed to Kentucky, meeting up with some family in the Midwest along the way. From where we were staying, we drove three hours to stand in a parking lot in Hopkinsville, KY, that afternoon in time to see, through ISO-certified glasses, the eclipse begin and end.
It took some coaxing for my anxious younger son, 11 years old, to trust us that the glasses would do their job to protect his eyes. Once he overcame that obstacle, he was amazed like the rest of us at the show God put in the sky that Monday afternoon. It was worth tolerating 12 hours of gridlock on the way back to the hotel.
As the sun moved behind the moon (from our vantage point, anyway) to where it was safe to remove our glasses for two minutes, we noted so many observations, among them:
- The temperature dropped.
- The sun set around us panoramically 360 degrees.
- The light never went fully out.
Hmmm.
Even with the moon in front of it, a ring of light still haloed from the sun. The light could not be fully turned off. And really, the moon only had just over two minutes of blocking time. The sun then continued its determined glide back into full view.
It was surely magnificent. No doubt about it. But it did not completely darken my world. It did not shut off the lights.
It struck me (as I had 12 hours to reflect on the way home!) how true this is of Jesus. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 2 corinthians 4:6, Ark Encounter, author of light, Colossians 1:13, creation, darkness has not overcome it, defeated darkness, eclipse, eternal light, God is light, God lightens my darkness, in him is no darkness, Job, John 12:46, John 15, John 8:12, light from darkness, light of life, light of the world, Micah 7:8, Noah's ark, solar eclipse, the Lord will be a light, walk through darkness
It was 2 AM. I had to use the bathroom, and we were dry camping—in our own yard.
Yeah, that’s a long story. It involved many delays in picking up our travel trailer and a Ford F-150 transmission blowing in the middle of trying to back the trailer into our yard—the day before we were to leave. Fun times.
So the younger kids and I camped overnight in the trailer until the watermelon seltzer I chugged before bed hit my bladder. Then into the woodsy yard I went, in the pitch dark, where foxes, deer, and the occasional bear or fisher cat roam. Needless to say, I wasn’t wanting to take my time getting there.
The back door was locked. I knocked, and the dogs started barking. Surely, my husband would hear me then.
Nope.
Then I banged on the door. More barking.
No footsteps.
Realizing the futility of that after about three minutes, I walked around to the garage door, put in the code, and assumed an unlocked inside door.
Nope.
More knocking and banging. No response.
Finally, I went around to the front door and rang the doorbell. Over and over again without stop.
No rescue.
I knocked and banged and called my husband’s cell phone.
Still nothing.
I finally called my son’s cell phone—the same son who inherited my penchant for not answering the phone.
And there it was—my son actually answered!
“Mom, is that you? Hold on. I’m coming.”
In the fifteen minutes outside brainstorming new ways to communicate my need to sleeping family members inside the house, fear had started to trickle in. It was dark, and in my mind, every noise was the local bear deciding that moment was the one to descend upon my lawn.
My imagination ran wild.
What if a criminal drives by right now to see me in my nightie? What if the police are on patrol and decide I’m breaking in? What if my neighbor is looking out his window at the scene I am making at 2 AM in my own yard?
Darkness makes everything seem impossible, insurmountable, even dangerous.
But is it? Is it really?
What is the truth about darkness?
1. There is a Light. God the Father provided it through His Son Jesus. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Peter 2:9, 1 Thessalonians 5:5, 2 corinthians 4:6, a great light, afraid of the dark, armor of light, called out of darkness, children of light, children of the light, come to light, exposing darkness, eye is the lamp of the body, fear, God is light, hatred, in him is no darkness, Isaiah 9:2, John 15, John 3:19, let your light shine, light has come into the world, light of the knowledge of the glory of God, light of the world, light shines in the darkness, Luke 8:17, Matthew 5:16, Matthew 6:22, spiritual vision, spiritual warfare, the darkness has not overcome it, walk in darkness
I was happily driving my daughter back from camp in Keene, NH. We “processed” the week, reminding the younger brother to not interrupt during this time, and by the time I pulled up to the traffic light at the end of the ramp to my exit, my mind was on unpacking, tadpoles going AWOL upon reaching froglet status in my house, and dinner. I pulled to a complete stop, waiting for that green left turn arrow. And there it was.
Awesome. Just a few miles to go. I entered the intersection gradually, only to hear my youngest son, Little Man, make a comment to get my attention as we both saw the sedan speeding toward us on our left, running the traffic light.
Slam! Crash!
I remember crying out to Jesus. And waiting for a secondary crash that never happened. When the airbags went off around me and my daughter who was sitting in the front, I detected the classic burning smell as well as other fluids now leaking out of the car at a fast rate. I asked the kids to exit the car if they were able.
But then my own door wouldn’t open. Airbags trapped me. My brain was in slow motion. I remember the kids in view as they exited the vehicle, and then it registered that I was physically able to crawl across the debris to get out the passenger side.
For what seemed like forever, I stood there mumbling over and over again that there was a green arrow. My kids told me later that I repeated that many times as I trembled and tried to find more words. It was a full hour, an ambulance ride, and a few x-rays among us later before I could speak in full sentences. But we were okay.
Bruised, stiff, sore, shaken, grateful.
A few more inches into that intersection, and the speeding car would have hit my driver’s side door more directly.
My Honda Odyssey did exactly what we trusted it to do in this accident. It bubbled us with airbags to ease the impact. Had my daughter been incorrectly sitting in the front passenger seat, had she not weighed what was necessary for the airbag sensor, it would have been a completely different story. I shudder to think of it, especially when I see the totaled van and the items within it tossed and shattered.
So, let me ask you something right now: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: afflictions of the righteous, air bag, airbags, auto accident, car accident, car crash, collision, defense, fear of the Lord, Isaiah 25:4, keep your life, life collisions, lift my eyes up to the hills, Lord is your keeper, mountains quake, Nahum 1:7, name of the Lord, not forsaken, Proverbs 14:26, Proverbs 18:10, psalm 121, Psalm 121:7, Psalm 34:19, Psalm 46:1, refuge, righteous, safety, shade on your right hand, strong confidence, strong tower, stronghold in the day of trouble, very present help, will not fear, will not slumber
Want to know a secret? I am coming out of a cocoon of emotional healing recently, and my life has significantly transformed. I have metamorphosed into Bonnie 4.0. Here’s just a tiny window into the changes that, taken one at a time seem small, but when pieced together, they reveal the Father’s loving, gentle artwork.
The Potter and His clay.
Ready? Here we go.
I get up early. (I am not a morning person and require seven hours of sleep to be pleasant.)
I talk to hummingbirds and tadpoles. (I have never been a nature person. Lately, I’ve turned into my Polish grandmother 40 years too soon, interrupting every conversation to comment on the amazing cardinal or chickadee to land on my bird feeder.)
I cheer on my garden plants. (I never used to be able to keep a houseplant alive; the thought of planting anything made me break out in hives.)
I let more stress slide off me. (I have two teenagers, a younger child with special needs, a traveling husband, and a [small] publishing business. Stress has been my middle name for as long as I can remember. So has sleeping in a position where by morning my shoulders are touching my earlobes and my neck all twisted up.)
I laugh more. (I’ve always cherished humor. I’m 44 years old, and potty humor can still send me into hysterics. So can three shots of espresso. But ab-tightening laughter? It escaped me for many years. I could not find it. It ran off somewhere and didn’t send me the address.)
I tell my dogs crazy things, and they love me anyway. (I get ridiculously, roll-on-the-floor caught up in chatting up my Shih Tzus as if they think about anything but eat, sleep, my lap, going outside, and treats.) Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: apologies, broken relationships, conflict, conflict resolution, dependence on God, emotional healing, God's healing work, guard your hearts, my rescue, my shield, no apology, peace of God, perfect peace, potter and clay, rejection, relationship conflict, relationships, trials, under his wings, wait on God
We had the date on the calendar for weeks. After much research, checking the internet daily, making inquiries, and searching several locations in the tri-state area, we had found the one. The. One. Our very first travel trailer. And it’s amazing after all the brainstorming of items on our wish list, our priorities were different from what we originally had thought.
Bunkhouse or living space?
Decent kitchen or bigger bathroom?
Couch and table?
Slide-out or no?
Our kids each had a vote, even FaceTiming when they couldn’t go with us so they could see the interior.
Fifteen years old, no bunkhouse but bigger living space (and a slide-out to accommodate our four-legged family members)—we were counting down the days until June 8th. Pick-up was in Connecticut, about an hour and a half away. We did everything we could between sale and pick-up day to prepare that part of the yard to house our future mobile vacation investment.
And there we were, sandwiches in hand, ready for a day of waiting on the truck to receive the necessary alterations at the maintenance shop. We eagerly walked through our apartment on wheels one more time.
But there was an unfortunate snafu, one that meant we could not bring the trailer home that day as planned. I could already picture the faces of all three kids, who couldn’t wait to find a trailer in the backyard when they arrived home from school.
As it turns out, the trailer had an issue with Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: application of faith, bunkhouse, camper, camping, children of God, deed, fullness of grace, grace, grace upon grace, inheritance in Christ, John 1:12, ownership, RV, taking ownership, title, travel trailer
Psalm 68:5, ESV, David singing
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
It’s Father’s Day again. [When I first wrote this, it was my first one without my father.] For many of you, a fatherless Father’s Day has been a reality for some time now. Maybe he was never in the picture, or perhaps your loss happened along the way.
For me, it has been six months, and I’m so thankful I’m not breaking out in hives at the thought of writing this holiday column. It doesn’t mean I’m not still tender. I certainly can’t forget the amazing father God gave me. I honor him in my own private ways. My breath caught in my chest when it was time to purchase cards this year. I stood in the card aisle for quite a while just taking my new normal in. It’s moments like that one when I cry out quietly in my spirit: “Oh, God, I miss him. Give him a hug for me, Jesus!”
I lost my earthly father, but the beautiful promise of heaven is that I still have my heavenly Father, and so do you, if you choose Him for yourself.
This is a timely and also timeless message. Wars ravage, terrorists attack, senseless acts of violence prevail, human trafficking spreads.
Can you imagine if we all saw ourselves as we truly are: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Corinthians 8:4, 1 John 2:1, 1 peter 1:3, a father to the fatherless, advocate with the Father, Ephesians 1:3, every good gift, every perfect gift, every spiritual blessing, father of lights, Father of mercies, father's day, God our Father, God reveals, He comforts us in all affliction, hope, Isaiah 63:16, James 1:17, no other gods, Redeemer, Redeemer from old, the Father is in me, there is no God but one, unity
☕ Espressos of Faith ☕ 