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Tag Archives: relational healing

When You Can’t Force Conflict Resolution

When You Can't Force Conflict ResolutionWhen there is relational conflict, is waiting a copout?

I would say that sometimes it can be, but there comes a point where we have to realize that even if we’re ready to move forward and heal with someone, we can’t force healing and readiness in others.

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I sat across from her pleading with my heart and eyes to offer me a different answer. She could not. She confirmed what I had been hearing from God in my prayer time:

Wait.”

Me: “I want to, but I can’t offer peace in this situation.”

Person offering me counsel: “Why do you think that is?”

Me: “Because I didn’t take it away in the first place. My actions did not cause any of it. They need to seek peace through and with Christ. Until they surrender that, I cannot offer what they seek, and I don’t want to go ahead of what God wants to do in each person’s heart. Besides, I would only screw it up since I do not have His peace to act on this right now.”

Person offering me counsel: “Then that’s your answer. You’ve prayed. You’ve sought godly counsel. You’ve daily surrendered this. You are so right to not go ahead of the LORD. He cannot be rushed.”

And that settled it in my heart—what, in many ways, I already knew:

While the reassurance came from another Christian, I needed to check myself with God. God would not Read the rest of this entry »

 

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Heaving Broken Relationships onto His Altar of Peace

Heaving Broken Relationships onto His Altar of PeaceAs often happens when there are more than two minutes of quiet in my house (I didn’t say that quiet was often, though), I was reflecting on some relationships in my life that have been healed—and those still in the waiting place. I must be growing up because I find myself stressing less over what I don’t understand. Let’s face it: There are a lot of human communications I don’t understand. Really, I think I read my Shih Tzus better than people some days.

The only One to have the real perspective of both sides of a relational pain is God. Even if the other party explains it to us over coffee for two hours or phone calls for three days, there just isn’t enough of our selflessness to be able to get out of the way and walk fully in the other person’s shoes. Only Jesus, the Suffering Servant, felt everything we feel (the pains, sickness, and sins of all humanity) on the cross.

Isaiah 53:5, ESV, Isaiah the Prophet speaking

But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

Over the course of my life, I’ve had a hard time letting close relationships fizzle out, get stuck, be left in the Pride Place. Does that mean I live in perfect peace and never marinate in my own anger? No. But as tempting as it can be to just trot off and leave a mark of pain on someone who has hurt us, even passive-aggressively by going silent—Know folks who do this? It’s its own art form!—I take relational fail very seriously.

You know what I’m finding out?

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