Ecclesiastes 3:1,7, ESV, King Solomon speaking
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak…
Years ago, a dear friend, trusted mentor, and fellow editor introduced me to a word with which I simply cannot part ways: shut-up-sicle. Once I wrapped my mouth around that powerful little descriptor, I was on my way to any and all usage possible. It fits so many situations, doesn’t it?
“Why don’t you lick a shut-up-sicle already?”
“Oh, man, I might need to pass out the shut-up-sicles today. Everyone is talking at once.”
“Sure wish I had brought my shut-up-sicle with me. I said more than I had planned to.”
Yeah, such a beautiful word. I’ll admit some possible uses can be a bit unkind, so I’m not recommending them. [Smile.] Today, I’m really thinking more in terms of my own need to grab one and lick it at a slow pace. When we have nothing left to say and/or whatever swirls through the filter of thoughts is better left unexpressed, the most challenging approach to a perplexing situation or problem can be to simply
shut up.
Several times in different scenarios in my life I had reached a point where I did all I could do, and God was not telling me to move forward. He was calling me into a period of shutting my mouth. I know it was Him because He confirmed it with Scripture, sent godly counsel to affirm it, and gently put my mouth to sleep.
What I mean by that last part is that, Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: a time to keep silence, a time to speak, being silent, communicating love, ecclesiastes 3, exodus 14:14, healthy boundaries, keeping silent, proverbs 10:19, proverbs 17:27, reconciliation, redemptive story, relationship repair, relationship restoration, restrains his lips, restrains his words, self-control, shut up, shut-up-sicle, silent treatment, speechless
Sometimes we think if our pain isn’t instantly taken away, God has somehow left us. God doesn’t abandon people. People abandon people.
And people walk away from God.
Despite my heart’s desire, I wasn’t able to see my father as he lay dying for about 10 days between Thanksgiving and the beginning of December. The choice was made for me.
The wreckage that has left in my heart and mind in the days since, just three and a half short months ago, cannot even be adequately described. Pain like this does not even have a name or definition. Grief doesn’t quite describe it. Trauma comes close. It’s like three elephants sit on my chest every day. Sometimes they get off to go get something to eat, but they usually wander back without warning and sit back on top of me again. It’s paralyzing.
Maybe you have made it through or are currently facing something similar.
I don’t know much right now, but I do claim this: I know more than I ever have how near God is to the brokenhearted because when the elephant sits on me, the panic that ensues only calms down when I remember Christ is holding my hand.
Please understand: I don’t stop hurting. It’s not a rescue.
It’s a presence, and it’s one I can fully trust.
Why? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: adult coloring book, clothed me with gladness, cover you with his pinions, crushed in spirit, Deuteronomy 31:6, exodus 17:12, God's presence, grief, He will not leave you or forsake you, loss, mourning, mourning clothes, names of God, near the brokenhearted, near to the brokenhearted, phases of grief, Psalm 30:11, psalm 34:18, Psalm 91:4, quiet me by his love, relationship with God, sackcloth, saves the crushed in spirit, suffering servant, under his wings
I took a deep breath and carried out my plan. I had prayed about it for a week, wondering if it was the right thing. I read the Bible, poured out my heart to God, and then quieted myself to listen for a response. What I heard as confirmation came from several trusted sources speaking in unity.
It was very difficult and painful, but it was very important. I didn’t treat it lightly. I was incredibly afraid to act on anything without God speaking into it. It’s not that I thought a lightning bolt would strike me down in a moment of acting solo and impetuously. I simply knew that not consulting God did not yield good fruit. I had to remain in the Vine as my source.
John 15:1-9, ESV, Jesus speaking
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.
If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.”
Before I made a big move, I went to my own personal wilderness to pray. I’ve learned the hard way over time that I tend to be rash and make hasty decisions. I needed situations, trials, and heartaches to discipline me in self-control, patience, and seeking counsel. Oh, and chipping away at that whole pride thing. There’s that.
This wasn’t something that came to me on my own. I found it while teaching our Junior High Sunday School class about Jesus’s miracles.
We discovered that Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: abide in me, alone with God, counsel, desolate places, holy ground, I am the true vine, John 11, John 15, Lazarus, look up to heaven, mark 6, ministry, miracles, mountain to pray, prayer, purpose, remain in me, self-control, talking to God, vinedresser, wilderness
I woke up in the middle of the night. An old wound reopened. My mind was rushing, and I could not for the life of me understand why certain memories were flooding back upon popping one eye open.
Didn’t I take care of that business, Lord? Why am I awakened by this?
Truth be told, I was having a hard time sorting out whether I was being tormented (which isn’t God) about something in the past just to derail me and disrupt my peace, or if God had woken me up to sort through something.
I was aware of the small trigger that had set off the memories, but I felt I had dipped them in His amazing peace, prayed them down, and stepped off the memory platform.
Apparently not so.
Ever have something come back and revisit, and you’re not sure what to do with it?
Yeah, me too.
Whenever this happens and old tapes play in my head, I have two choices (because ignoring them doesn’t work): Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: break free, coming back to God, confession, discernment, faithfulness of God, forgiven, galatians 6:1, God wakes us up, God's rebuke, know my heart, luke 8:24, memories, peace, perfect peace, prayer, psalm 139:23-24, relationship with God, repentance, search me o God, search my heart, shame, sin, spiritual discipline, torment, trigger, unfinished business
Do you ever write letters to people in your head—things you wanted to say, unfinished business, sentiments that pressed on your heart and didn’t let you go?
Sometimes I wake up at night and have a three-page letter downloaded straight into my heart.
Right now, for my father who is living* through cancer and chemo hell, parts of my letter would look like this:
Dear Dad:
I hate that you are struggling. If I could be with you in person more frequently, I’d just want to hold your hand. Pray silently. Sit at your feet. Watch you sleep. Bless you. Read you Scripture. Share a few memories. Make you smile.
I’d say I didn’t always respond the way I should have, that I often was too quick to react in my youth. I’d tell you if I had to do it all over again, I’d talk to you about your “corny” country music and be willing to discuss the different jazz artists you grew to appreciate.
I’d tell you I’m sorry I stuck my tongue out when I was 3 years old, that spitting out my peas onto your dinner plate wasn’t nice. I shouldn’t have made eating and the dinner table such a scene of drama.
I might state that I could have been more gracious when you taught me how to drive and more grateful when you would pick me up from a late theater rehearsal. While we were generationally farther apart than the parents of many of my friends, I wasn’t really embarrassed by you; I was just a teenager who thought that I was.
I would share with you that I watched you healing on that couch from radiation many years ago while you let me put barrettes in your amazing hair because that’s what you do when you have daughters. You play barbershop. I’d be less angry that you won UNO sometimes. I’d be more mindful of the times I got to “camp out” on the porch with you in the summers and wouldn’t make comments about your snoring.
I wrote a book, Dad. It wasn’t everything it could have been, but it was my first attempt. It was about God. I hope you could see the Presbyterian roots deep within my theology, Dad. How I really did understand Christ, the propitiation for our sins.
If I could just lay my head against your robe, Dad, like I used to rest it on your lap during the sermon, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
I can be a spoiled brat, but my heart is trying to be more like Jesus, Dad. I hope you can see that in me. I hope I make you proud.
My letter would say so many other things, but I’ll stop there. You get the idea.
What about God, though? What about our Father in Heaven? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: cancer, chemo, conversations with God, Father in heaven, God the Father, God's child, God's presence, hallowed be your name, intimacy with God, kingdom of heaven, letter to Dad, letter to God, Lord's Prayer, matthew 6, Our Father who art in heaven, relationship with God, talking to God
I’m not quite sure how it happened, but Thanksgiving appears to be upon us. I have no idea what I’m making yet. I have not admitted to myself there is cleaning to do, groceries to buy, or even plans to firm up. I’m in limbo. Stuck. I’ve been waiting on news on whether a loved one is moving forward in cancer treatment or facing an overgrown, unwanted enemy who invited more friends to the table while we weren’t looking.
I simply cannot plan, think, or even decide which task to start.
Ever live in limbo, holding your breath for the next news to ring your phone, pop onto your e-mail, or flit across your newsfeed?
The truth is that we all come to our Thanksgiving table this year with so many world events on our minds. Amidst ISIS, beheadings, bombings, displacement, wars, genocide, human trafficking, school shootings, tense political debates, riots, and the like, how do we give thanks with any sense of peace and calm?
And, if you’re like me, knowing the weight of what is going on around us, I feel guilty sitting at a table spread with provision and leisure with the luxury of casually discussing terror and turmoil as a dinner topic over “Pass the mashed potatoes, please.”
So, where do we go to put ourselves in a place of grateful and outward, positive focus, to give thanks the way the Apostle Paul did for the early church in Ephesus? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: betrayal, difficult people, Ephesians 1:15, finding peace, fruit of the Spirit, give thanks for you, giving thanks, grateful, gratefulness, healthy expectations, hearts enlightened, hope to which he has called, love your enemies, Matthew 5:44, peace of God, people who don't love back, people who harm us, people who hurt us, pray for your enemies, scary news, thankfulness, thanksgiving, Thanksgiving table, those who persecute us, toxic circumstances
My 9 year old Little Man and I were out waiting for the bus, watching Bobo the Smith Lawn Chipmunk scuttling around in our front wooded area. He was eating and storing things in his little cheeks.
Little Man was fascinated for quite some time, but then he
said: “Mom, what if a snake gets him today?”
And isn’t that a sign of how we all mature from our innocence and learn the darker side of the world? When fear creeps in where we used to prance about with untainted optimism?
Don’t we all so quickly “go there” in our minds and hearts? Fear is always crouching. Darkness always wants us to think it wins.
2 Timothy 1:7, ESV, Apostle Paul speaking
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
It’s interesting that the King James Version uses the word “sound mind” instead of “self-control.” It suggests to me we are given the tools in Christ to put our minds where they should be. Our minds don’t have to be tossing about at the whims of our fears. We are given the power and love to keep them sound, safe from the torment of crippling “what ifs.”
What if:
- The chemo doesn’t work?
- We never work through this conflict?
- S/he leaves me?
- S/he never learns to read?
- We can’t pay for college?
- They never learn to live on their own?
- I fail?
- The car dies before we can afford to replace it?
- We never sell this house?
- There’s a car accident?
- S/he never comes home?
- I never get well?
- We die before the kids are raised?
- I lose this job?
Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 John 4:15-19, 2 corinthians 10:5, 2 timothy 1:7, abandonment, abides in God, abides in Him, anxiety, casts out fear, chemo, concern, eye on the sparrow, fear, fear of abandonment, fear of not having enough, fear of outliving children, God is love, he first loved us, healthy fear, Matthew 10:29-31, no fear in love, panic, peace, perfect love, Philippians 4:8, power in the name of Jesus, renewing our minds, self-control, sound mind, spirit of fear, take thoughts captive, taking thoughts captive, unhealthy fear, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is true, worries
She had just put a huge meal on for tourists and was about to reload the table for her family of 9. It was almost 8 PM, and they were coming in from the harvest. The corn had to be collected before the rains came. Her youngest child, a boy of 7, had helped late into the evening the night before, but they still had some work to do. She had a twinkle in her eye, but there was a shot of weary and concern as well as she turned her bonneted head toward me and chirped happily in her heavy accent:
“I have so much to be thankful for. God has given me many blessings.”
Her words grew feet and scurried right into the center of my heart.
It was the Amish way, and yet, as tired mothers: one the “worldly English” and one with the “plain life,” the only thing separating us in our common mama sighs was our lifestyles. Otherwise, the weightiness of our hearts beat to the same sound. We shared the same God. We each wanted to express love into the other’s world, if only for a few hours, without making her world become fully ours.
And yet those penetrating words. Despite the fact setting the table for her six-course meal was on its second round, she was grateful.
Counting blessings—
—with another sinkload of dishes in the almost-dark.
I grew up not far from this community. We regularly came “up the country” to Lancaster County from Chester County, Pennsylvania. Horses and buggies were part of my childhood tapestry. But now, with my parents living amidst the Amish community in surrounding farms, I have come to pay greater attention to my Christian brothers and sisters in solid, dark colors.
And as I left her house that day, this 39 year old mother of 7, with worn hands from many years of caring for her family, gave me a gift I can never exercise enough. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 thessalonians 5:18, Amish, blessings, brokenhearted, buggies, cancer, change the atmosphere, chemotherapy, counting blessings, encouraging, father of lights, fear, finding thankful, give thanks, give thanks in all circumstances, good gift, grace, gratefulness, Holy Spirit, James 1:17, Lancaster, optimism, pessimism, pity party, sandwich generation, special needs, thankful, thankful heart, thankfulness
I read it right before finishing preparations for a talk I was going to give to a group of moms at a local church. I was also in the middle of praying for my father and seeing how his cancer treatment went that day.
It was an unnecessary and petty distraction, a message sent with absolutely no other purpose than to make trouble where, as far as I knew, there wasn’t any to date. In my own personal book of boundaries, it crossed several lines, but more than that, there was no recognizable good intention within it. I’m limited in my perspective, obviously. I don’t have God’s eyes. From where I was sitting, however, it was right up there in the Book of the Absurd or Ridiculous, and it could have flamed old fires of aggravation.
Know that familiar scenario?
The one where other people want to stir our pot?
Where they can’t leave well enough alone?
Where they insert themselves somewhere they don’t belong?
This same scenario, with a few changed details and characters, has played itself out several times over my life. I’m sure from time to time we all encounter: Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: boundaries, boundary crosser, conflict, confrontation, dealing with conflict, difficult people, fountain of life, good sense, grace, gracious words, health to the body, healthy boundaries, healthy response, heart of the wise, heartwise, honeycomb, instruction of fools, judicious speech, peaceful, persuasiveness, proverbs 16:9, responding, stir the pot, sweetness of speech, sweetness to the soul, toxic
I was in the middle of preparing for a new focus group at church, one that would offer support to parents of children with special education needs, physical disabilities, and mental health struggles. This plan had been on my heart for a year. I had prayed about it, researched it, pitched it to church leadership, and then let it fall into place bit by bit. With each step, I could see God’s hand in the go-ahead: the flyer, verbal announcement, sign-ups, parent survey, and soon, the first gathering.
As I watched this dream of mine take shape, I asked God which Scripture He wanted us to operate from as our starting place.
This is what He led me to:
Hebrews 10:23-25, ESV, anonymously written
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near (emphasis mine).
In the middle of my planning, I realized that this is what should motivate us in any endeavor—Christian-faith-based or not.
Isn’t it a beautiful mission statement for all groups, gatherings, meetings?
To stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another?
How many times do you think about this when you go into… Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: 1 Thessalonians 5:11, assemble, being intentional, build one another up, committee, created for good works, encouragement, gathering together, good works, Hebrews 10:23, IEP meeting, love and good works, meeting together, meeting with purpose, meetings, public meeting, stir up one another to love and good works, unity of purpose
☕ Espressos of Faith ☕ 